Destiny
by Ryn
Summary: The story of Byakko no Miko from one of her seishi's point of view. Any C&C is more than welcome. ^_^ *CHAPTER 13! Finally! ^^;
1. Byakko no Miko

I still remember the first time that I met her. The funny thing is, she didn't make much of an impression. She was rather plain looking, actually, with her long braids hanging limply, and her clothing rather nondescript. That was probably why I didn't give her a second thought - she was wearing clothing from our world. Most likely in order to blend in and not draw attention to herself.  
  
What did grab my attention was the man she came in with. He was possibly the best looking man I'd ever seen in my life, with long dark hair and gorgeous blue eyes. However, I could tell from the way he watched her that I would have absolutely no chance. My sister, Lina, elbowed me in the side, gesturing towards him, but I just shrugged. Just another passer-by that we'd never see again.   
  
The girl came up to the counter, looking rather apprehensive to the point of fear. Her companion stayed a few feet inside the door, tense and nervous-looking, but trying to act casual. He kept a close eye on her, never letting his gaze drift too far away from her.  
  
"Excuse me, miss," Her voice was soft, and it fit her well. I looked at her expectantly, and she gave a nervous smile. I probably should've been nicer to her, but heck, if she had that guy falling for her, what did she need from a stranger? Plus, it was late and this was the only inn in town. I didn't have to worry about losing business. "Um, we're looking for a room for the night."  
  
I glanced at my sister, whose eyes were widened in surprise. I had to admit it shocked me a bit as well, this young girl asking for a room alone with her male companion, with no chaperones. Still, business was business. I cleared my throat. "…For two?"  
  
The girl shook her head. "Oh, no, there's another person with us. She's just tying up the horses."  
  
"Ah…" Lina turned to fetch the key, which I took, then stepped out from behind the counter. "Come with me, then."  
  
The girl glanced at the man, who smiled softly before speaking. "I'll wait for Kokie." She nodded, and then followed me up the stairs.  
  
Feeling a little regretful for being so harsh to her without due reasoning, I decided to make small talk. "So, what brings you to town?" Pointless innkeeper talk couldn't hurt.  
  
"Oh, we're looking for someone."  
  
"Anyone in particular? Maybe I could help you, it's a pretty small town."  
  
"Umm," she looked at me thoughtfully for a second, then shook her head. "I think we'll be fine. Thank you, though."  
  
I opened the door and held it open for her. "Suit yourself. Did you want breakfast in the morning?"  
  
"Yes, that would be wonderful." This girl was so polite it was scary. I didn't think anyone was like that anymore.  
  
"All right… I'll tell Lina to have it ready for you. She's a great cook." I was lucky to have my sister, actually - the only cooking I did was burning water.  
  
"Please don't go to any trouble."  
  
With my eyebrows raised, I looked at her. "Really, it's no trouble. That's what we're here for. And besides," I turned to leave the room, "You're actually our only customers tonight."  
  
"Really? We saw so many people when we were traveling."  
  
I shrugged. "Apparently there are some rumours going around about this town. Something about spirits and monsters and various things."  
  
"…Monsters?" At that moment, the girl's male companion came up the stairs, followed by a rather frightening-looking person. This woman was tall and thin, with pale skin, long, sleek black hair and red eyes. Just a glance from her was enough to send shivers down my spine. I almost laughed, though. The three of them made such an odd group - what in the world could have brought them together like this?  
  
"Yep, monsters. I've yet to see any. Last week, though, one of the children of the storekeeper was killed by a wolf or something when playing in the woods nearby."  
  
"Tatara…" The girl looked to the man, her expression filled with worry. I cringed - maybe that was a bit much to tell them. But Tatara only looked concerned, whereas the other woman - Kokie, they'd called her - glared at nothing in particular.  
  
"Anyway!" I headed down the stairs again. "Have a good night!"  
  
Lina was standing at the bottom of the stairs, her expression curious. "Interesting group, aren't they?"  
  
I laughed. "You read my mind. The girl said they're looking for someone."  
  
"Who do you think they are, Doulin?"  
  
"I don't know. Does it matter? As long as they pay in the morning." Still, something about them bothered me. They didn't seem like just average travelers.  
  
***  
  
In the morning, Lina fixed their breakfast while I slept late. When I emerged from my room, they were out front, loading everything onto the horses. I stepped out onto the porch, watching them. I didn't realize I was staring until the girl turned and saw me, then walked over to join me.  
  
"I'm sorry," she smiled, that kind look in her eyes, "But maybe we could use your help."  
  
"M-my help?" For some reason, she caught me completely off-guard.  
  
"Yes, to help us find who we're looking for."  
  
"Oh. Oh, yes." I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, trying to not reveal how oddly flustered I felt. "Certainly."  
  
"I should have been more honest with you, for that I apologize. My name is Oosugi Suzuno. I'm Byakko no Miko."  
  
Now I just stared at her, my eyes wide in shock. This girl, this plain-looking girl, was the Byakko no Miko? The legendary girl from another world, here to save Sairou-koku from its enemies? My heart caught in my chest. I hadn't even known that Sairou was in trouble, much less that Byakko no Miko had appeared. And here she was, at my inn?  
  
Suzuno, in return, looked a little surprised at my shock, and laughed nervously. "Those are two of my seishi," she gestured back to her companions, "Kokie and Tatara."  
  
"Byakko no Miko," I repeated the words dumbly. I'm sure she must have thought I was a complete idiot. Tatara and Kokie - of course! Those were two of the names from the legend. Why hadn't I recognized them?  
  
Suzuno nodded. "The person we're looking for is another seishi. I'm afraid that's all I can tell you, though. We don't know what they look like or anything. All we know is that the person's in this town."  
  
Before I could respond, a loud, shrill scream echoed from somewhere nearby. Down the street a bit, the mayor's wife stood, holding a bloodied child in her arms, screaming frantically. Tatara and Kokie ran over to her, with Suzuno and I following a bit behind.  
  
"A, a th-thing! It killed him! I found him, in the woods, and the thing was on top of him, biting him!" The woman was hysterical, and despite Tatara's soft words, she wouldn't calm down. Kokie took one look at the child before confirming that he was dead.  
  
Suzuno turned away, a hand to her mouth. I stared at the child - there was so much blood. I felt sick to my stomach, and my knees were weak. Tatara touched my arm gently, and I looked up at him. "What did you say last night, about the monsters?"  
  
I glanced towards the forest. "They supposedly live in a cave, in the forest." The next words I had to wonder whether I would regret or not. "I'll show you."  
  
The woods were confusing, to say the least. Only one path went through them, a simple walking path that didn't actually lead anywhere. It twisted and curved, however, with several offshoots that didn't go anywhere. I led the seishi and Miko - despite Tatara's concern, she didn't want to be left behind - to the cave. The forest was eerily silent. Not even a bird sang, and the twigs beneath our feet were the only sound. If there were indeed any monsters in that cave, they were very quiet monsters.  
  
Kokie didn't hesitate, immediately heading into the cave. Tatara squeezed Suzuno's hand, and she smiled supportively, then he followed behind the other woman. I didn't know what to do. I stood silently next to Suzuno, who remained silent. After a few moments, I felt I had to say something, anything. "I'm sure they'll be fine. It's just a myth, after all—"  
  
All of a sudden, Kokie screamed, but was drowned out by the incredibly loud growling and snarling of some sort of creature. I thought I heard Tatara shout something, but I couldn't make it out. Suzuno ran forward to the mouth of the cave, even though I called to her to stay back. I followed her anyway, reluctantly, afraid of what we'd find.  
  
In the cave, Kokie sat slumped against a wall, blood soaking her clothes. At closer look, I could see that her stomach was torn open, and I gasped in surprise and disgust. In the middle of the cave, a gigantic creature stood, growling and thrashing it's paws around. It looked like a bear, but much more grotesque. Whatever it was, it couldn't move - vines were wrapped around its neck and body, strangling it. The other ends of the vines were in Tatara's hands, who fortunately appeared uninjured. The white seishi symbol glowed on the back of his hand.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, the monster sank down, choking on its growls. It fell to the ground with a heavy thump, silent and unmoving. Slowly, Tatara stepped forward, making sure that the beast was indeed dead, then retracted his vines. Suzuno ran over to Kokie, who was silent, but alive - barely.  
  
"Kokie, Kokie, hold on!" Suzuno showed no offence at the amount of blood, concern the only emotion in her eyes. "We'll get you some help, don't worry, you'll be okay!"   
  
Tatara stood behind Suzuno, unsure of what to do. He turned to me. "Where's the doctor? We have to get him."  
  
I shouldn't have waited, but I did. I just watched them for a moment. When Suzuno looked up at me, her cheeks were wet with tears. Byakko no Miko. I repeated the words to myself again. This was it. I felt an odd sense of resignation as I looked at her, this girl from another world. She was my destiny, the one I was born for.  
  
I walked over to them quickly, kneeling down on the other side of Kokie. The pale woman looked up at me, her eyes questioning, even through her pain. Suzuno stood up, Tatara taking her hand gently. He looked worried, but Byakko no Miko only smiled down at me, an encouraging smile. She trusted me.  
  
Kokie winced in pain, and I turned my attentions back to her. Placing my hands above her wound, I closed my eyes. "Onmikartera whamasu Kokie." The familiar rush of energy ran through my body, and I felt the symbol on my breast glowing. After a moment, I opened my eyes to see that Kokie's wound had disappeared completely, her clothes repaired as well. I stood up slowly.  
  
Kokie stared at me. "You're—"  
  
"Byakko no Seishi, Subaru." I looked up at Suzuno and smiled slightly. "I would be the one you were looking for." 


	2. Envy

We left that afternoon. I left the inn in Lina's trustworthy hands, and although she cried when I left, I knew she'd be fine. Her husband would be home soon, and I promised that I'd be back as well. I wasn't able to pack much, as we had a long way to go to the capital, and the horses couldn't be burdened. Suzuno promised me that the Emperor would be more than happy to supply clothing and supplies once we got there, though.  
  
"Heaven knows he's given enough to me," She told me as we started our journey. She shared a horse with Tatara, while Kokie and I each had our own horses. "Everyone's been so kind to me, giving me all sorts of presents."  
  
Tatara laughed. "You are Byakko no Miko, Suzuno."  
  
"Well, maybe, but I'm still just a girl. I don't deserve so much."  
  
We rode in silence for a few more moments before I dredged up the courage to ask the question that had been bothering me. "…What's happened? I mean, what's the threat to Sairou-koku?"  
  
Kokie surprised me by answering. "Kutou, what else. They want to expand their borders again. So, this time they've chosen us as the lucky conquer-ees."  
  
Tatara glanced at Kokie, then at me. "It's a little more complicated than that. Hokkan and Kutou have been at war for years, as you probably know. Hokkan has finally realized that alone, it cannot defeat Kutou, so they've turned to Sairou for help. The Emperor agreed to help Hokkan, and suddenly Kutou has decided that it doesn't want Hokkan anymore, and is using our alliance with them as an excuse to declare war on us."  
  
"But that's not all!" Kokie's voice was laced with sarcasm, which I would learn was a common thing for her. "Tatara forgot to mention that in East Sairou-koku, there's a group of rebels who would be more than happy to see Kutou conquer Sairou. And the thing is, we don't even know why they want Kutou to succeed."  
  
"Nevertheless," Tatara continued, "They've made their presence known. We're fighting on two fronts."  
  
I glanced at Suzuno, who looked rather ill. She leaned back against Tatara, her chin on her chest, her eyes half-closed. "Suzuno… Are you all right?"  
  
She looked over at me. "I'm fine. I'm just a little worried."  
  
"Don't worry," I smiled supportively. "You've got another seishi now."  
  
"Actually," Tatara said, "We've got two others, as well. They're at the capital."  
  
"We would've had three, but…" Kokie frowned. "One of them is in the rebel group."  
  
"What?" I stared at her. "How can—"  
  
"Trust me, we've racked our brains to figure it out. For whatever reasons, he's decided that that's the way to go." Kokie nudged her horses' side, and galloped on ahead of us.  
  
"But the seishi are supposed to protect the Miko, not be against her."  
  
Tatara smiled. "We've thought of that."  
  
"Tatara…" Suzuno's voice sounded small. "Where will we go now?"  
  
"Back to the capital, I suppose." He turned to me again. "We've been searching for you and the other seishi for weeks now. Even though we don't have them all, it'd be best to rest for awhile."  
  
***  
  
I'd never been to the capital before. It was a good three days ride from my hometown, and there was never any reason to go. My father had always done all the business, and he'd never taken Lina or me with him. My mother thought it best, as well - she thought there was too much in the capital to corrupt us. Ever since they'd died, Lina and I had been saving up for a trip to the big city. I had to admit that, despite the circumstances, I was excited to be there.  
  
The city was huge. From the moment we went through the gates, there were people everywhere. The marketplace was massive - I made a mental note to return later to go shopping. We rode through the streets without drawing much attention, as Suzuno was dressed in the clothes from this world. When we got to the palace, the guards recognized her, thought, and ushered us right in.  
  
Walking through the palace halls, I was dumbfounded. There was such richness everywhere. Marble floors, silk curtains, and priceless pieces of art everywhere. The servants wore better clothes than I had ever dreamed of owning. I must have been gawking, as Suzuno started giggling when she looked at me. I noticed the other two seishi staring at me, and blushed from embarrassment.  
  
We met with the Emperor, and I know I didn't make a good impression there, either. I was in this state of shock from being in the palace and in the presence of royalty that I couldn't even speak without stuttering from nervousness. Still, the Emperor was a kind man, and was more than happy to hear that I was another seishi.  
  
The two seishi that were already at the palace were Amefuri and Toroki. Amefuri was a woman a few years older than me. She had long, dark brown hair that was always twisted into a bun at the back of her head, and dark, gentle eyes. She'd had to leave her two young children behind in order to come to the capital and fulfill her duties as a seishi. She wrote home to them every day, always sending them something. Amefuri had been the first one that Suzuno had met, when she'd appeared in Amefuri's village. Amefuri had recognized who she was, and taken her to the capital.   
  
Toroki was just a kid - a bratty one at that. He was only twelve, and Suzuno told me that he'd gotten into all sorts of trouble at the palace since coming there. Suzuno had found him when he'd tried to steal Tatara's money in the marketplace. He was short and scrawny, with light hair and blue eyes that always had a glint of mischief in them. He reminded me a lot of Lina, when she was younger. Annoying, but fun to be around.  
  
I found out from Amefuri that it had been a little more than a month since Suzuno had appeared in this world. That surprised me, as it meant that the news of Kutou's declaration of war had been kept secret that long. Tatara explained that it was to keep the people calm, so that they wouldn't have anything to worry about. It bothered me, though - how long could war be kept secret? Kutou hadn't attacked yet, for reasons unknown.  
  
The night we arrived in the capital, I finally had a chance to be alone in my room. Ever since I'd left my home, people had surrounded me, and now, it felt nice to get some time to myself. I exhaled slowly - it felt like I had been holding my breath for a long time. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I held my hands out in front of me, and realized they were shaking.  
  
All of a sudden, tears started streaming down my cheeks. I curled up on my side on the bed, clutching the blankets between my fingers. I couldn't stop sobbing. I was so scared. Everything had happened so suddenly. I'd been expecting this for years, ever since my mother had explained the legend of Byakko no Miko to me. I'd known that, as a seishi, it would be my duty to protect her so that she could summon Byakkoseikun. But now that she was here, now that I had to fulfill that duty, I was scared to death. Just seeing what had happened to Kokie in that cave had done it. What if that had been me? What if I were the one wounded, or even killed, in defence of the Miko? I didn't want to do this; I didn't want to be a seishi anymore. I just longed to go back home, to be safe again. But that wasn't going to happen.  
  
I cried myself to sleep.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Amefuri declared that it would be best if we all had a day or two to rest before heading out to find the remaining seishi. I took advantage of the opportunity by exploring the palace. I managed to get myself lost in no time short, and ended up in the gardens of the palace.   
  
Just like everything indoors, the gardens were beautiful. All the flowers were in full bloom, and the morning dew glittered in the sun. I knelt down, inspecting some of the roses, when Suzuno's voice interrupted my reverie.  
  
"Tatara… I'm so scared."  
  
"Shh. Don't worry."  
  
I looked up to see the two standing in the shade of a tree. I watched them, but didn't move for fear that they'd see me. I'd known that they'd had feelings for each other; from the way they'd looked at each other and acted. But now that I knew that Suzuno was Byakko no Miko, for some reason it seemed wrong for them to be together. She was the Miko, after all. She was something sacred.  
  
When they kissed, I made my exit quietly. It bothered me, their romance. I wondered for a moment if I was using the excuse of her being Miko to cover up my own jealousy. She was so kind and gentle, it was no wonder that someone like Tatara would fall in love with her. The only reason any man had told me that they loved me was for the sole purpose of trying to get into bed with me.   
  
Still, they had obviously been meeting in private so that no one would see them. I decided to respect their wishes of that and not talk to any of the other seishi about it, even if the others knew. 


	3. At First Glance

The one day of rest gradually turned into a week of rest. I spent most of my time with Amefuri. Kokie didn't stay around the palace much, choosing to be alone, and Toroki was always taking off somewhere to pull some pranks. Suzuno and Tatara tried to be discreet about their romance, but it was becoming obvious when they started to be seen everywhere together.  
  
On the third day, Kutou armies attacked a few border outposts. Even though it was expected, the Sairou armies suffered great casualties. The Emperor finally relented and news of war and the coming of Byakko no Miko spread through the country. All of a sudden, thousands of people were making pilgrimages to the capital in order to see the Miko.   
  
Although the Emperor advised that it wouldn't be wise to meet with any of the peasants, Suzuno spend every waking hour mingling among them. By day's end, she was exhausted. All of us, especially Tatara, told her that she had to stop and get some rest for the journey ahead, but she wouldn't listen. Finally, we decided that the only way to get her to recover would be to leave on the search for the two missing seishi. So, after a week of relative relaxation, we set out on another journey.  
  
The second day into our search, I woke up with a headache and cramps. Amefuri gave me some herbs to ease the pain, but I was still grumpy and uncomfortable all day. After Toroki tried one of his new 'ideas' on me and I practically bit his head off, everyone steered clear of me.  
  
I rode a little bit away from the group, not really feeling like talking and perfectly content in my own moodiness. Kokie surprised me by joining me.  
  
"You never told me… What was it you did to me?"  
  
"What? Oh, healing you." Even though it was only a week, it seemed so long ago. My life before being a seishi seemed like an eternity away. "I aged your body back a day."  
  
"Time control?" She nodded. "That will be very useful."  
  
"Un. It doesn't always work, though. Not for all injuries." We rode in silence for a few moments, then I spoke. "What do you—"  
  
"Mind things. Telekinesis. Telepathy." I stared at her for a moment, a little worried about the telepathy, but she glanced at me sideways. "Don't worry. I don't go prying into other people's business."  
  
It occurred to me that I didn't know what Amefuri's and Toroki's powers were, either. "What do they—"  
  
"Toroki has invisibility and intangibility. Not surprising that he already knows how to use them well," she smirked, "Amefuri, I'm not entirely sure. I haven't seen her do anything yet."  
  
"Oh." Both of us were silent again. I was quite unsure of why Kokie, a woman who'd been rather cool to everyone the last few days, had suddenly decided to talk to me, but I wasn't about to tell her to go away, even in my irritable state.  
  
"Are you wondering about the rebel seishi?" She surprised me again by breaking the silence. I nodded. "So am I."  
  
"How did you find out about their intentions?"  
  
"A few days after Suzuno first arrived, she was alone in her room. Somehow, he got in there, and managed to threaten her somehow. She was pale as a ghost when we found her, but wasn't hurt. She didn't tell us what he said, only that he made sure she knew that he wasn't about to fight for her and that he was siding with Kutou."  
  
"I still don't understand," I murmured. "How can a seishi be disloyal? After all, she's the reason we exist…"  
  
"Who knows?" Kokie shrugged. "But we have to find him and get him to change his mind in order to summon Byakko."  
  
The others were waiting ahead of us at the entrance to a medium-sized town. When we caught up, Toroki took off, and a disgruntled Amefuri reluctantly followed, promising to keep an eye on him. Suzuno and Tatara headed off in another direction towards a tavern to get something to eat, leaving Kokie and I alone again.   
  
I glanced at her to see if she knew anything about the two lovers, but if she did, she didn't say anything. With not many options left open, we followed them into the tavern. It wasn't hard to find them - with her other-worldly clothes, everyone was staring at Suzuno. I idly wondered why she hadn't chose to go in disguise today, especially with the dangers around.  
  
When Kokie and I joined them, Tatara looked slightly disappointed at being interrupted, but Suzuno just smiled brightly. "I have a good feeling. I think something good's going to happen today."  
  
Perky people tend to get annoying when one's in a bad mood, so I was more than happy to volunteer to go and place everyone's orders. At the moment I arrived at the bar, however, a fight broke out. After narrowly avoiding getting hit by a flying chair, my mood was not improved.  
  
After placing the orders with a grumpy barkeep, I headed around the fight back to the others, only to get knocked into by one of the men. I stumbled and fell backwards, unwittingly grabbing onto his arm for support, but instead I fell on my rear.  
  
I hit my head on something, but I know I didn't get knocked unconscious. God knows what he would've done to me had I been. I stared up at the ceiling for a moment, unmoving, a little stunned. When my senses returned, I looked down to see the guy on top of me, his hand on my chest. When he didn't move immediately, my gaze drifted over to his face, expecting to see the same stunned, embarrassed expression I wore, but instead I found a stupid grin.  
  
"Get… Off… OF ME!" I couldn't help it, I screamed. I hadn't meant to, but I was just not in the mood for it.  
  
"Okay, okay!" He jumped off, kneeling next to me, his hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry! It was an accident!" But instead of looking apologetic, he was still staring at my breasts.  
  
I sat up, glaring. By now, the rest of the restaurant was silent and staring at us. I glanced over at my companions. Tatara looked concerned, Suzuno alarmed, and Kokie amused. I stood up quickly, brushing the dust off of my skirt, and started back over to them. The pervert wasn't about to give up so easily, however - he grabbed onto my arm.  
  
I stopped walking and stared straight ahead at the wall, seething silently, but not reacting immediately. "I'm sorry, okay? Do I have to apologize any more? Let me make it up to you… Can I buy you a drink?"  
  
"NO!" I took a deep breath, not wanting the restaurant's attention on me anymore, and tried to calm down. "No," I repeated in a harsh whisper. "You cannot. Excuse me." I pulled away roughly and went back over to Suzuno and the others, sitting down as if nothing had happened.  
  
Suzuno and Tatara shared a worried look, but said nothing, understanding that I didn't want to talk about what had happened. Kokie, on the other hand, almost laughed. "You should've hit him."  
  
The three of us stared at her. I got up and headed towards the door. As I left, I heard her remark, "Suit yourself. I would've hit him."  
  
Once outside, I headed towards the outskirts of the town. My head was beginning to throb again, and I wanted to find a quiet place. Near the town gates, I found a small stream and followed it down a bit into the forest, finally finding a peaceful spot where the stream joined a larger river. After a few moments, I was already beginning to feel better.  
  
All of a sudden, hands grabbed me from behind. I tried to scream, but he clamped one onto my mouth. "Shh!" Keeping the hand on my mouth, my attacker turned me around. My eyes widened as I saw it was the pervert from the restaurant. Remembering Kokie's suggestions, I nearly bit his hand. "Don't scream. I won't hurt you."  
  
I gave something of a nod, and he removed his hand. I yelled at him anyway. "Won't hurt me?! Attacking a girl alone in the forest is not a good way to get her to think you won't hurt her!!"  
  
"Aw, c'mon, be quiet! Can't you trust me?"  
  
"I don't even know you! And why'd you follow me? And how'd you catch up to be so quick!?" I stepped back away from him, crossing my arms.  
  
"I didn't want you to be mad at me! It was a bad first impression, I'll admit to that. I just didn't want you to hate me before you even know me."  
  
He had a point, but I wasn't about to forgive him that easily. "Bad first impression? That's the understatement of the year. You practically molested me!"  
  
"I said I was sorry! What more do you want, my soul?!"  
  
I allowed myself to calm down some, actually really looking at him for the first time. He did look somewhat apologetic, and at least this time his eyes weren't on my cleavage. He wasn't bad-looking, either, not that that mattered - I'd had too many encounters with guys like this. I sighed, dropping my arms. "Fine. I forgive you."  
  
He grinned - he was cute when he smiled, and I almost smiled back. "Good. Then let's try this again, okay? And your name would be…?"  
  
"Yi Doulin-- Ahh, Subaru."  
  
"Two names?"  
  
I nodded curtly, trying to remind myself that I was supposed to be mad.  
  
"All right. Doulin, Subaru, whoever you are, it's a pleasure to meet you." And he actually took my hand and kissed it. I stared at him, rather amazed. Pervert one minute, gentleman the next.  
  
"And you would be—" I started, but he cut me off.  
  
"Shh. Your friends are calling."  
  
I listened, hearing Amefuri's voice calling my name. I started back up the trail towards town, but he grabbed me around the waist, pulling me close. I panicked, starting to push him away.  
  
I had no idea what happened next. It was as if I blinked, and suddenly we were out of the forest and back at the town entrance. Suzuno and the other seishi were all there, staring at us in wonder.  
  
Amefuri broke the silence. "Teleportation?"  
  
I looked up at my companion, only now noticing the fading white symbol on his cheek. He was a seishi?! With this revelation, my heart started to pound in my chest - or maybe it was just being so close to him.   
  
He let go of me and walked over to Suzuno, dropping to one knee in front of her. "Byakko no Shichiseishi Tokaki, reporting for duty."  



	4. Loss

As Kokie and I were the only ones with our own horses, and Kokie proclaimed that if she had to share with Tokaki he wouldn't get to our destination alive, I ended up with him. I wasn't quite sure whether it was a good or bad thing, though. At first, I remained perfectly still, trying to avoid any contact with him. That didn't work too well, and after an hour or so, the sun managed to make me rather tired, so I closed my eyes and leaned back against him, falling into a light sleep. He didn't protest - I later realized that it was because in that position, I offered him a great view of my cleavage.  
  
I was jarred awake a few hours later, when the sun was just setting over the horizon. Amefuri, with an embarrassed laugh, announced that she wasn't as good at following maps as she thought she was, and that we were in fact a five hour ride away from what was supposed to be our lodgings for the night. With much whining from Toroki, we set up a small camp.  
  
Embarrassed by my forwardness of falling asleep in his arms, I tried to stay as far away from Tokaki as I could. I stayed at the fire for an hour or so, not really talking unless asked something. Eventually, I got irritated by watching Suzuno and Tatara off at the edge of camp, content in each other's arms. Obviously, they had decided that they weren't going to hide their romance anymore. None of the others said anything about it, and I excused myself and went to sleep.  
  
I awoke a little before dawn. Kokie and Amefuri were peacefully sleeping on either side of me, but Suzuno was mysteriously missing. I figured that she'd just gone off with Tatara, but still, something alarmed me about her disappearance, and I sneaked out of the tent quietly.  
  
Glancing into the other tent, I could make out Toroki's smaller form, but neither Tokaki nor Tatara were anywhere to be seen. Walking into the forest a bit, the sun started to rise, and I could make out Suzuno and Tatara near a small stream. I turned and started back towards camp, only to be stopped by Suzuno's sudden scream.  
  
I rushed forward, halting at the edge of the clearing. Tatara stood protectively in front of Suzuno, his arms out. They both looked up into the trees, and I followed their gaze to see a young man standing there, smirking down at them.  
  
"What did I tell you, Byakko no Miko? Give up, now, before it's too late."  
  
Suzuno stared up at him in fear, and I knew at once that this was the mysterious rebel seishi. Before any of us could react, the seishi threw a knife, striking Tatara in the arm. Suzuno screamed again, and Tatara grimaced, falling to his knees.  
  
"What will it take, Byakko no Miko? I will kill your protectors, one by one, if that's what you want."  
  
"No! No!" The Miko kneeled next to Tatara, tears in her eyes. "Stop it! Don't hurt anyone!"  
  
The seishi just smirked. The bushes behind Suzuno shook, and I saw the glint of metal. Before I could call out a warning, Toroki dashed forward, and the sword came down, slashing across the boy's chest. His eyes widened and blood soaked through the fabric of his shirt. The attacked retreated back into the trees, and Toroki collapsed.  
  
I hadn't even noticed when Kokie, Amefuri and Tokaki had joined us, but now Amefuri rushed forward, cradling Toroki in her arms. Suzuno held onto the injured Tatara, tears streaking her cheeks. The rebel seishi and his small army had disappeared.  
  
I blamed myself completely for Toroki's death. Even though Amefuri later assured me that nothing could have been done, that it was an instant death, I was racked with guilt. All I saw at that moment was everyone rushing to Suzuno, making sure that she was all right. Tatara, even though he was injured, held her and comforted her. I was so shocked and angry and confused at what had happened that I didn't even hear Tokaki's question until he repeated it.  
  
"Subaru, are you okay?"  
  
I turned and just looked at him for a moment. Why wasn't he over with the Miko? She was the important one, after all.  
  
Amefuri's voice confirmed out worst fears. "He's… Dead."  
  
I decided I didn't care what Tokaki's reasons for staying with me were. I fell forward into his arms, and he held me while I cried.  
  
***  
  
As an odd twist of fate, Amefuri's sense of direction had brought us closer to Toroki's home village. We took his body back to his family. At first, his mother was so angry with us, yelling and screaming that it was our fault that he died. That didn't help my guilt any. But then she apologized and just cried and cried. Suzuno told her everything that Toroki had done to help us, and that brought her some comfort.  
  
We stayed in the village for a few days, attending the funeral and trying to figure out what our next move was. No one seemed to be sure what was to be done now - one seishi was dead and another was completely against us. By deduction, we had at least figured out that the rebel seishi was Karasuki.  
  
We went back to the capital to relay the bad news to the Emperor, who was at a loss for what to do as well. There seemed to be no options, but we couldn't just give up. Kutou staged several more attacks on the border, and had gained a few miles of land in the process. Things were beginning to look more hopeless by the day.  
  
About a week after Toroki's death, I was sitting in the palace gardens, thinking. None of us had said much at all during the past week. Suzuno and Tatara had just left, and I was alone again.  
  
Not for long. Tokaki appeared next to me after a few moments of solitude. I almost hit him for scaring me so much, but by now I was getting used to his rather unorthodox entrances.  
  
"So," he mused casually, "How long have you had this thing for Tatara?"  
  
I turned and stared at him, wide-eyed. "What?"  
  
He shrugged. "It's obvious. They way you look at him with such longing, and how green you turn when he's with Suzuno."  
  
I stood up, fuming. "I do not have a 'thing' for Tatara!"  
  
"Suit yourself. Lying won't get you very far."  
  
"It's not him," I muttered. "It's them."  
  
"Them?"  
  
I nodded, sitting back down again and staring at the nearby flowers wistfully. "What they have. They're so much in love, anyone can see."  
  
"Ah. You're a hopeless romantic."  
  
I blushed furiously, standing up again. "Forget I said anything!"  
  
He shrugged again, then turned and left. I stood there silently for a few moments, my heart pounding in my ears. Why did he have that effect on me? Just being so close to him was enough to send my emotions into overdrive. I knew what it was, though. I was jealous of Tatara and Suzuno because of what they had, because I wanted it for myself. And I wanted Tokaki to be the one I had it with.  
  
***  
  
The next morning, Suzuno called us all together for a meeting. She was excited, and obviously had good news. None of us had been smiling much like she was now in the past week, and it was infectious, even before she told us what had happened. I noticed how she and Tatara beamed at each other, but when I glanced at Tokaki, he was completely oblivious, waiting for Suzuno to speak.  
  
"We don't have to give up yet," She proclaimed, practically bouncing in her chair. "Last night, Taiitsukun, the creator of the world, came to me. She told me that if we were to get the Shinzaho of Suzaku and Seiryuu, we would be able to summon Byakko."  
  
"Shinzaho?" Amefuri looked puzzled.  
  
"The Shinzaho," Tatara explained, "Is something that a Miko had when summoning her God. Almost three hundred years ago, Suzaku no Miko came to this world and summoned her God. Fifty years after that, Seiryuu no Miko appeared and did the same."  
  
"If we have the Shinzaho," Amefuri asked, "Do we still need to change Karasuki's mind?"  
  
"No…" Suzuno lost a bit of her optimism. "Taiitsukun said that the living seishi all still had to support their Miko.  
  
"The Suzaku one is simple enough," Tokaki stated, changing the subject. "But has anyone else realized we're at war with Kutou? I doubt they'll just let us waltz in and take their Shinzaho."  
  
"So obviously we don't waltz in," Kokie said dryly.  
  
"We'll go to Konan first, and then worry about what to do about the Seiryuu no Shinzaho," Suzuno said, still with her optimistic attitude.  
  
I had to smile. I couldn't hate Suzuno, and I was mad at myself for being so jealous of her. Now that I realized what my intentions were, I was feeling better towards her. Apparently she had some intuition towards these things, for that night when we were packing, she came to visit me.  
  
"Subaru, forgive me for being so forward, but do you dislike me?"  
  
I had to laugh. She looked confused, and I sat down next to her on the bed, smiling. "Of course I like you. How could I not? You're kind, sweet, cheerful, bright… There's nothing about you to dislike."  
  
She sighed, relieved. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that. I just had this weird feeling that for whatever reason, you didn't like me."  
  
"No…" I decided not to tell her what I had really been jealous of her for, though.  
  
"I'm glad. Because you're going to have to get used to me." She winked at me. "I expect we'll become really good friends in the future. I want you living right near me so we can visit all the time."  
  
I looked at her, confused. "Suzuno… I can't live in your world."  
  
"No, silly!" She laughed, a hand against her mouth. "I'm going to stay here, in this world. That's what one of my wishes will be."  



	5. Innocente

Chapter 5 - Innocente  
  
Our journey to Konan, in the south, began the next morning. This time when I watched Suzuno and saw how happy she was with Tatara, I just smiled. We'd stayed up late the night before, her telling me all about her plans for the future, how she wanted to marry Tatara and what her dream life with him would be like. Of course, being the unselfish girl that she was, she asked me tons of questions about what I wanted out of life too. I carefully avoided mentioning any fellow seishi's names, just giving general answers.  
  
Despite the fact that I knew I was falling in love with him, I avoided Tokaki. I didn't know how to act around him. I wanted to be with him, I was happy when I was with him, but I was so unsure of what he thought of me that I could never make any sort of moves. Since Suzuno would be unable to answer any questions about figuring out how a guy felt, I approached Amefuri and Kokie.  
  
"Amefuri," I began, thinking carefully of how to word it without giving too much away. "…What do you do when you may or may not have feelings for someone, but you don't want to say or do anything about these supposed feelings because you're unsure of how this someone might react, or whether they may or may not have the same supposed feelings towards you?"  
  
Amefuri stared at me for a second, then burst out laughing. Kokie quirked an eyebrow, then kicked her horse and took off ahead of the group. I watched Kokie ride off, then turned back to Amefuri, who was still laughing. "…What?"  
  
"Nothing," She shook her head. "We just had some suspicions."  
  
"Oh." I blushed again. "So, what's your answer?"  
  
"Easy. Ask him." She smiled slyly, then took off after Kokie.  
  
During the five days that it took to get to the capital of Konan, I nearly asked Tokaki the question about twenty times, but I always ended up stopping myself. By now, I thought, he must have figured out my feelings. But if he did, he never said anything about it. I was beginning to wonder whether my quest was futile. I didn't talk anymore to Amefuri or Kokie about it, though.  
  
When we did get to Konan, it took days to line up an audience with the Emperor, and when we finally did, it turned out he had no idea where the Shinzaho was located. The Miko had come so long ago, he told us, that the legend was practically forgotten, dismissed as a myth.  
  
Tired and disappointed, we returned to the inn for another night. Suzuno had finally begun to loose a bit of her cool, and actually yelled at Tatara when he tried to tell her that everything would be fine. We were all pretty tense and angry over the situation.  
  
Just when I was falling asleep that night, there was a knock on my door. A little annoyed, I pulled my robe around me and pulled the door opened, more than surprised to find Tokaki standing there. He looked a tad disappointed that I was fully dressed, but got over it.  
  
"I, uh… Just wanted to see how you were holding up."  
  
"Fine." I sighed and sat on the edge of my bed.  
  
"Good." He came in and closed the door behind him, and if not for being exhausted and grumpy, I would have started to panic. "Suzuno and Tatara have happily reconciled, by the way."  
  
"Of course they have. Suzuno told me one of her wishes is going to be to stay in this world, with Tatara, and live happily ever after."  
  
Tokaki smirked. "I can see that. Tatara's totally whipped."  
  
"…What are you going to do, after this is all over?"  
  
"I don't know. Travel, I guess. Konan seems like a nice place to live." He shrugged, sitting next to me.  
  
"Konan? Why don't you want to stay in Sairou?"  
  
"No reason to," he stated bluntly, and I remembered that he had mentioned in passing that his family was dead.  
  
"And… If you had a reason?"  
  
"I would stay." He looked at me so intently that I had to turn away. I could feel my cheeks flush crimson.   
  
"What…" For a split second, I considered just changing the topic and moving on, but it was to late to turn back. "What would the reason have to be?"  
  
"Subaru…?" I turned and looked at him again, and I knew that my eyes gave away everything I felt. But he didn't look surprised at all. Instead, he slid an arm around my waist and pulled me to him.  
  
For a moment that seemed like an eternity, we remained only inches apart. I'd never felt more scared in my life, but never more sure of myself and what I wanted. Tentatively, I raised a hand to his face, brushing a strand of hair from his eyes. Everything seemed as if in slow motion, or that it was frozen in time, and I was frightened of making any sudden movements for fear that the moment would be ruined.  
  
When his lips touched mine, I felt as if I could have died. He held me tighter, his hands on my back, and I moved my arm around his neck, my other hand still on his cheek, holding onto him as if he'd disappear should I let go.  
  
"Tokaki… I love you…"  
  
It didn't matter that he didn't echo my words. It didn't matter that for the rest of the night, save for my name, he didn't say anything. I didn't care. For months, I'd know that this was what I'd wanted, and now that he was here with me, I didn't care if he said anything or not. If he came to me like this, then he must have loved me, whether he put it in words or not.  
  
Sleeping in his arms, I had never felt more safe, or warm, or content. I just wanted to stay there forever. The rest of the world could just float away, and I wouldn't have cared less. That night, I dreamt only of us together, of others watching us with the same envy that I had felt towards Tatara and Suzuno.  
  
***  
  
The smile I woke up with didn't last. Even before I opened my eyes, I knew that Tokaki was gone. I couldn't hear his breathing or his skin against mine. I opened my eyes slowly, sitting up and gazing around the room, and my heart sunk in my chest. There was no sign that he'd even been here at all, and for a moment I though that it was all just a dream.  
  
But I knew it wasn't. And now it had turned into a nightmare.  
  
I lay back down, bringing the sheets up to my chin, and I waited. There was always the chance that he'd just gone to get something, or check on the others, or… Anything. He wouldn't just leave, without a goodbye.  
  
"He loves me," I whispered, but there was only silence in response.   
  
Finally, after nearly an hour, there was a knock on the door, and I sat up, staring at the door expectantly. "…Yes?"  
  
"Subaru?" It was Suzuno. My heart sank. "Are you almost ready? We're going soon."  
  
"…I'll be down in a minute," I called, but when her footsteps disappeared down the hallway, I didn't get up. I buried my face in the pillow, trying to muffle the sobs that came, but no matter how I tried, I couldn't stop crying.  
  
Everything that I'd dreamed of for months, everything I'd wanted, everything I'd been reaching for, everything had been torn apart in a matter of minutes. My heart ached and I could hardly even breath. Never in my life had my soul hurt so much, not even after the death of my parents.  
  
But slowly, I got out of bed and dressed. Even though this had happened, my feelings didn't matter in my duty as a seishi. I dreaded leaving the room, and I would have been happier to just stay in bed and cry all day - but I couldn't quit.  
  
Going down the hall, Kokie's voice caught my attention from behind one of the closed doors.  
  
"You bastard--!"  
  
"Ow! Kokie, what the hell?!" Tokaki. My heart stopped. I told myself I should just keep walking, forget about it, but I couldn't.  
  
"What the hell are you thinking? Why did you do that to her?" Oh, God. No, Kokie, don't do that… Don't talk about me.   
  
"…I don't know what you mean."  
  
"Bullshit! What is it, you just thought you'd try her out, then found out she wasn't good enough?! Women aren't toys, you can't play with them like that."  
  
"That's not what happened." A pause. "…You don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"The hell I don't. I know guys like you. You're all the same. You won't get away with this, I swear to God. You better damn well apologize to her, now."  
  
"This is none of your fucking business! You don't know me! You don't…"  
  
I walked away. I couldn't stand hearing any more. I didn't want to know what the reason was, why he'd done that. And now that I knew if I did get an apology, it would only be because of Kokie… It only hurt more to think about it.  
  
When I came down to the lobby, Amefuri, Tatara and Suzuno were already there. They stopped talking when I came in, and I wondered for a moment if they knew, if Kokie had told them. I knew she wouldn't, though. Kokie wasn't like that.  
  
When the other two came down a few minutes later, Amefuri looked curious, but still, no one said anything. I couldn't even bear to look at Tokaki, and he didn't approach me. Just being in the same room was enough to bring back thoughts of the night before, and that was the last thing I wanted to think about.  
  
In the days that followed, as we left the capital of Konan in search of a fabled temple of Suzaku in the north of the country, still no one asked me about what happened. I was unsure whether anyone other than Kokie actually knew. I wasn't certain whether no one saying anything made me relieved or upset. In the end, though, I was happy with it. I didn't terribly want to talk to anyone, and for the most part, was content to just wallow in my own self-pity.  
  
Tokaki, though… I didn't know what I wanted when it came to him. Half of me hated him for what he'd done, and that half never wanted to see him again. The other half, though, longed for a word, a glance, anything - but never got anything. The combination caused me to cry myself to sleep every night of our journey.  
  



	6. Weakened State

It took us a little over a week to find the Temple. The directions Suzuno had received were so vague that it was near impossible to pinpoint the exact location. It turned out that the Temple was a legend, and no one in the nearby villages seemed to know anything about it. Amefuri found it quite by accident one night, when she wandered a bit away from our camp.   
  
It was hard to believe that we'd missed it. Although hidden in a dense forest, the temple was huge, everything befitting of a god. When we went inside, everything was in perfect condition, clean and shining. But there was no sign of life, anywhere. After splitting up and searching the entire temple and finding no Shinzaho nor any people, we met up in the main entrance again.  
  
Suzuno was in tears. "If it's not here… Then where? It's supposed to be here…"  
  
"Don't worry!" Amefuri gave Suzuno a friendly hug. "I'm sure that whoever is in charge of this place just went out for a bit. They'll be back soon, and we'll find the Shinzaho."  
  
"You are… Byakko no Miko?"  
  
There was no sound, no presence at all of anyone else in the room. Yet, when we looked up, at the head of the room stood a young girl, no more than ten or eleven years old. She looked like any normal child, bright-eyed and inquisitive, yet there was something wrong - her clothing was more than two hundred years outdated. A strange aura surrounded her, as well - a red life force.  
  
"What—?" Everyone jumped to attention, but the girl just smiled simply and walked over to Suzuno. Even though there was obviously something not right with this girl, for some reason, I knew she wasn't threatening.  
  
Suzuno got to her feet slowly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Y-yes… I am Oosugi Suzuno, Byakko no Miko."  
  
"I am Nuriko, of the Suzaku Shichiseishi." The girl looked confused. "What can I help you with, Byakko no Miko?"  
  
"We… We need the Shinzaho. Of Suzaku."  
  
"But… I already gave it. One of your seishi came here in search of it, he said that you were unable to seek it yourself."  
  
A shocked silence fell over the room. Karasuki… Had stolen the Shinzaho? He would go that far just to stop the summoning? I couldn't believe it. We thought we'd been guaranteed this Shinzaho, at least, since the Seiryuu one was going to be so difficult. How could this Seishi, who was born and lived for his Miko, betray her cause like this?  
  
"Shit," Tokaki muttered under his breath, and I realized how close he was standing to me. When Nuriko had appeared in the room, he'd come over to me, as if to protect me should the girl pose a danger. Now, though, I turned my attention back to the Suzaku Seishi, and Tokaki turned and left the Temple.  
  
"I-I'm sorry…" Nuriko looked horrified. "Did I do something wrong?"  
  
"No," Amefuri reassured the girl, as Suzuno had turned sobbing into Tatara's arms. She briefly explained the situation, and Nuriko apologized again and again. We couldn't blame the girl - she hadn't known what was going on. She was in as much disbelief as the rest of us were over how Karasuki could be disloyal to Suzuno.  
  
Back outside, no one said anything as we loaded up the horses. The silence was nearly unbearable, and even though I'd barely been talkative during the past weeks, I had to say something. "…What do we do now?"  
  
"We go back to Sairou," Tokaki replied - the first words he'd spoken to me since that night. I glanced at him, but he shifted his eyes away, as if unaware that it was my question he was answering.  
  
"There's nothing else we can do," Kokie said in an unusually gentle voice, "Kutou's been keeping their armies thick at their border with Konan as well, just in case of any sneak attacks that may have been planned. The same with Hokkan."  
  
"The only thing we can do is go after Karasuki," Amefuri said quietly.  
  
"But we don't know where he is," Tokaki said, killing the small spark of optimism. "Or if he still even has the Shinzaho - he could've destroyed it by now."  
  
"…Then we'll go back to Sairou," Tatara finished.  
  
It took two weeks to get back to the capital of Sairou, as our searches for the Temple of Suzaku had driven us farther away from the border. The journey was uneventful, and filled with silence. Not even Amefuri tried to break the dreary atmosphere with her trademark cheerfulness. When we returned to the palace, the Emperor was eagerly awaiting our news. Suzuno and Tatara met with him in private to explain the situation, and afterwards, they told us that Kutou had taken significant gains of land from our border.  
  
Still, the war seemed pretty far removed from the capital. Watching the people in the marketplace going about their daily chores, it was hard to tell that this was a country at war. The Emperor decided to hold a festival, just to keep the people's morale up. It would last two weeks, and performers would be brought in from across the country to entertain the public. Suzuno surprised us by announcing that we would leave after a week, though. I had to admit I was amazed by her optimism. She managed to instill the belief in all of us that we would find Karasuki and retrieve the Shinzaho - although we all secretly harbored the fear that it would be a hopeless mission.  
  
The festival was successful - it did lighten everyone's mood. Though I felt a bit better going to the activities and having a bit of fun with Kokie and Amefuri, there was no other time in my life where I just wanted to go home and just sleep for days and not have to worry about anything else. I had written my sister as much as possible, and when her replies came, I longed to forget the excitement of being a seishi and go back to the previously mundane life of an innkeeper.  
  
A few days into the festival, after I'd spend most of the day looking over the selections in the market - the first time in a couple of months that I'd actually been able to shop - I retreated to a large park on the outskirts of the city to watch the night's fireworks display at the palace from a distance. I sat on the edge of a little bridge crossing over a small stream. Despite my secluded location, somehow Amefuri managed to find me.  
  
Sitting down next to me, she smiled. "Nice place you have here."  
  
I shrugged, hugging my knees against my chest. "I don't know… Sometimes I really don't like big crowds of people."  
  
She nodded, and we watched the fireworks in silence for a few moments. Finally, she spoke again, "Subaru, I don't know what happened, and I know that you probably don't want to talk about it. But… If there is anything that you want to say, I'm a good listener."  
  
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I had to turn my face to hide my emotions in the darkness. Part of me wanted to spill everything, but I held back. "Th-thank you… But… This is something that I have to sort out, by myself."  
  
"I understand." She surprised me by reaching out and squeezing my hand. "I've had plenty of those times myself, believe me."   
  
I sniffled, looking up at the sky. "…Amefuri, do you like being a seishi?"  
  
She sighed, sitting back. "You know, sometimes I wish so much that I weren't a seishi. Then I would be able to have a normal life with my family. But then I think, what if I weren't? Would I still have met my husband, had my children? If I weren't born a seishi, would I even have been born me?" She shook her head. "I wouldn't have, because being a seishi is part of me, it's formed me into who I am. And besides," She smiled, "I wouldn't have met all of you. So, in the long run, I'm happy that I am. Being chosen by a god isn't something that happens everyday, you know."  
  
I nodded slowly, raising a hand to the spot on my chest where my symbol appeared. "…It's all destiny. Everyone has some sort of meaning for their life, and ours is to be seishi and protect the Miko. Chosen by a god," I repeated the words over to myself.  
  
Amefuri smiled again, then got to her feet. "I'm going back to the palace. You shouldn't stay out too late, either. You need to get your rest." I nodded in reply, and she left.  
  
I didn't stay much longer. After the fireworks had ended, I sat there for a few more minutes, savoring the peace and silence of the moment and dreading having to leave this tranquil place and having to go back to the real world. I started back towards the palace, cutting through the marketplace. I hesitated at one intersection, unsure of which way would lead me back, when my eyes drifted over to a tavern on the opposite corner.  
  
Despite the shadows being cast on him, I could still recognize Tokaki. For a moment, I just stared. Watching him stand so close to that girl, leaning in close. How she giggled and playfully hit him, but didn't push him away. Her leaning over and whispering something in his ear. But when he slipped an arm around her waist and turned to go back inside, he looked at me.  
  
I felt numb. In spite of the crowded streets, it was as if no one else was on the planet when our eyes met. I don't know how long we just stood there like that, or what anyone, especially that girl, thought. I don't know what I was conveying in my gaze - it was as if all my emotions had gone dormant for the time being. In Tokaki's eyes, I saw shock and surprise, horror and confusion.  
  
Something in me broke. That moment that seemed frozen in time had passed, and now everything was happening at once. I turned and started running, not even knowing where I was going. People were everywhere, and I kept knocking into them, much to their discontent.  
  
"Subaru!"  
  
No, don't follow me. Leave me alone. I kept running, heading back to the park - that peaceful, serene place that had been so kind to me moments earlier. My heart so much, it almost seemed to blind me. I could barely even see where I was going. I don't know when I started crying, but the tears were streaming down my cheeks.  
  
"Subaru!"  
  
Stop it! Don't follow me! Go back to your goddamned whore and play with her for awhile! Just leave me be. Let me live in peace. I wanted to scream at him and cry and just die. But for the first time in weeks, I wasn't longing for any attention from him. I reached the bridge and collapsed down onto it, the wood scratching at my arms and legs. I just lay there for a few moments, not moving, barely even breathing. But I could hear his footsteps behind me.  
  
"Subaru… I… We need to—"  
  
"NO!" I screamed the word, scrambling to my feet. "Don't talk to me! Don't- Don't do anything to me! Stay away from me…" I stepped backwards, hugging my arms around my body. Cold drops of rain started to fall, fast and furious, but I ignored them. "What gives you the right? How can you just, just…" None of my thoughts made sense. I couldn't connect them, everything was jumbled too much in my head. Memories mixed with emotions and I couldn't concentrate on any one thing.  
  
"I'm…" Tokaki turned his face away, and I could barely make him out with my vision obscured by the darkness, rain and my tears. "I never…"  
  
"Don't… Don't. I won't hear it, I can't. Just leave me alone. Get… Go away." I turned and started running again, heading into the wooded area of the park. By now, the rain had soaked my hair and clothing, and I tripped and fell a couple times, mud now contributing to my disheveled state.  
  
He didn't follow me, though. I stopped running, falling to my knees in a small clearing in the woods. Through my sobs, I could barely breath. What had just happened? I was having a decent time, then everything had been turned upside down. That small spark of hope I had held since the incident at the Temple of Suzaku had been extinguished. Even the weather seemed to have changed just for what had happened to me.   
  
I lay down slowly, curled up into a fetal position. Choking on my sobs, I could only see Tokaki's face behind my closed eyelids. My heart ached so much it seemed to be carried over into my entire body, and I though that nothing, not even death, could hurt more than what I was feeling. 


	7. A New Mission

I don't remember anything after falling asleep that night until when I awoke three days later. Amefuri told me later that I had gotten myself back to the palace the next morning, only to collapse in front of her. She said it had scared her nearly to death, that combined with the fact that they hadn't any idea where I had been all night. She thought it was just exhaustion, but I had a high fever and remained mostly unconscious for three more days. I remember fragments of dreams, but nothing was clear, and I was unsure whether they were dreams of just my delirious take on reality.  
  
When I awoke, Suzuno was gone.  
  
"She just… Disappeared… A few hours after you passed out," Amefuri told me, unable to keep the distress from her voice. "Vanished before our very eyes."  
  
The sore and tired feeling I had awaken with turned worse with a sense of dread.  
  
"She was upset. She was crying and kept saying she didn't know what to do, and that she didn't want anyone else to have to suffer because of her. She kept saying that she wanted to go home, over and over."  
  
"…Because of me?" I wondered aloud, but Amefuri forced a smile and patted my hand.  
  
"It's not you. Everything has just piled up on the poor girl's shoulders. I feel sorry for the poor thing."  
  
I stared down at the blanket, trying to blink back tears. So what about her? People have been hurt because of her, yes, but if she doesn't summon Byakko and save Sairou, even more people will be killed in the ensuing wars! "She's coming back, though… Isn't she?"  
  
Amefuri looked away, then stood and went to the door. "I should go tell the others you're awake."  
  
As it turned out, the only 'others' she had to tell was Kokie. Tatara had withdrawn to the palace gardens, where he stayed and tended his flowers with melancholy. Tokaki had apparently vanished, although from the nonchalant way that Amefuri referred to him, it gave me the idea that she knew where he was.  
  
Over the next couple weeks, I recovered completely in the physical sense, and almost entirely in the mental state. Tokaki's absence seemed to help this - the dull ache that I previously had when he was around.  
  
But Suzuno still didn't return.  
  
At the end of the second week of her absence, I approached Amefuri and forced her to tell me where Tokaki was. She seemed cautious about revealing it, but finally told me that he was staying with some family in the capital, and after reassuring her that I would be perfectly civil to him and return to the palace without experiencing another emotional breakdown, she let me go.  
  
When I found the house, he was out in front, apparently trying to teach a couple children some fighting moves, but it wasn't working very well - they kept falling on their rears. I smiled at the situation, but then mentally scolded myself, reminding myself that I wasn't getting into this again.  
  
Tokaki looked up and saw me, then turned back to the kids, and they nodded, running off around the side of the house. He then looked back at me with a wary expression and finally walked over to me.   
  
"W-we need to talk." My hands shook with nervousness, but I clenched them behind my back.  
  
"…Yeah." He didn't look at me, instead seeming very interested in the tree in front of us.  
  
"Suzuno's gone."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"…And we can't summon Byakko-seikun without a Miko," I added, getting a bit annoyed with the lack of interest on his part.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
I frowned. "Aren't you going to say anything?"  
  
"…I was under the impression that you didn't want me to talk to you," he muttered, looking up at the tree again.  
  
I gave an exasperated sigh. "Why would I come here and say that we need to talk if I didn't want--"  
  
"What the hell is going to make you feel better? I try to apologize, you won't listen. What the fuck is it going to take?!" He finally looked at me, and I just stared back, surprised at the outburst. He frowned, then shrugged. "Most girls just settle for hitting me."   
  
So I did. In a quick motion, I drew back my hand and slapped him square on the cheek.  
  
He stared at me with a stunned expression. "I didn't think you'd actually—"  
  
I hit him again, this time on the other cheek, and now he looked at me with a sceptical expression. "You know, you're much stronger than you look."  
  
I raised my hand again, but he caught my wrist and stopped me. "Feel any better now?"  
  
"A little," I admitted, tilting my head to the side and giving him a tiny smile.  
  
When we arrived back at the palace, Amefuri looked astonished at the fact that I walked in with Tokaki right behind me. We found Kokie, then Amefuri went to fetch Tatara, who looked absolutely miserable.  
  
After a long moment of silence, Kokie spoke. "We have to do something. We can't just wait for her to come back."  
  
"What can we do, though?" Amefuri asked, her expression concerned.  
  
"The Shinzaho," Tokaki replied without missing a beat. Everyone stared at him, and he shrugged. "I've been thinking about it…"  
  
Kokie nodded slowly. "We all can't go, though. Someone has to stay here in case Suzuno comes back."  
  
"…I can stay here," Tatara said quietly, as if any of us were thinking of another option.  
  
"Fine," Kokie said, "Then who wants to get which Shinzaho?"  
  
"I'll go get the Suzaku Shinzaho from Karasuki," I blurted out. I don't know why I said it, other than the fact that I felt as if I hadn't really contributed to the cause very much. I almost regretted saying the words as soon as they were out of my mouth, but I daren't change my mind.  
  
Tokaki looked at me, then at Kokie. "I'll go with her."  
  
Amefuri frowned. "Are you sure that's the best idea?"  
  
"I can find him," Tokaki added.  
  
Kokie narrowed her eyes. "You're not the only one with a chi-sensing ability."  
  
Tokaki shrugged. "Maybe, but I am the one who knows how to use it. You didn't even know who she was," he nodded towards me.  
  
Kokie looked furious.  
  
"I don't think this is the time for arguments," Amefuri said softly. "Tokaki and Subaru will go find Karasuki, Kokie and I will go to Kutou, and Tatara will stay here." She looked around the room for any signs of disagreement, but finding none, she continued. "We'll leave tomorrow." 


	8. Journey

Kokie and Amefuri were going to cut through Konan to get to Kutou, so we were unable to travel together in the same direction. Tatara didn't emerge that morning to bid us farewell, and Amefuri looked worried.  
  
"Maybe this isn't the best idea. What if something happens here?" She said, her brow furrowed. "Tatara doesn't seem like he'll be alright alone."  
  
"I talked to him," Tokaki said, "He'll be fine."  
  
Kokie looked amused, and nearly laughed out loud, but caught herself. She looked at me, and I heard her voice in my head. Right, like he's such an expert. But I didn't say anything. I was nervous enough about having to spend so much time alone with Tokaki. Amefuri had talked to me the night before about it, and while I had assured her that everything would be alright, I hadn't succeeded in convincing myself.  
  
We parted at the gates of the capital. Amefuri put on a brave face and Kokie muttered something about this "being no problem", but I left it only at a good look to them, and Tokaki said nothing.  
  
We set out on the road to the East. The silence was uncomfortable and I had to say something lest my anxiety get the best of me, so I finally spoke. "…Where are we going?"  
  
Tokaki shrugged. "The rebels' main base is somewhere near the eastern border."  
  
"But I thought you said you could find Karasuki?"  
  
"Once we're close enough, yeah."  
  
"Oh." There was another long silence. "What did you talk to Tatara about?"  
  
"Huh? Oh… Uh, about Suzuno, you know. That he shouldn't really dwell on her too much."  
  
I looked down at the road. "He seems to really love her."  
  
"Yeah, he does," Tokaki replied awkwardly. "But I don't think he should. When she's done summoning, she's going back to her world, anyway. He should find someone else and forget about her."  
  
"Suzuno doesn't feel that way," I interrupted, "She told me she's going to use one of her wishes to stay in this world."  
  
"What if Byakko-seikun doesn't grant that wish? All the legends say that the Miko comes from her world, saves her country, and then goes back to her world. I've never heard anything about a Miko staying in this world."  
  
"Well… Maybe Suzuno will be the first," I protested half-heartedly. He had a point that I hadn't thought of before. Surely there had been other Mikos who had wanted to stay here.  
  
"Besides," Tokaki continued, "She's a Miko. She's something holy. Tatara shouldn't be looking at her like that."  
  
At first I didn't say anything; after all, those had been my own feelings earlier. But now that I saw how much Suzuno didn't want to be holy, how she didn't want to be so special, that she just wanted to be a normal girl and be able to be with the man that she loved, I was supporting her. She should be able to have what she wants. Finally, I muttered, "Like you've never looked at her in any other way than as a Miko."  
  
Tokaki stopped his horse and stared at me. "That's completely different. I didn't fall in love with her!"  
  
"Right, you seem to be avoiding that." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I looked away, but my cheeks burned red when I still felt his eyes on me. I could feel tears in the back of my eyes, but I blinked them back.  
  
"…We should keep moving," Tokaki said in a flat voice, and I barely moved my head in a nod.  
  
Both of us were silent for the rest of the day. I mentally berated myself for having to bring up that subject again. All it did was bring me pain, so why did I have to dwell on it? I had to get over this. It hurt like hell, but I resolved to do so.  
  
In the late afternoon, we reached a village and I pulled up on the reins of my horse, looking around, then heading towards the small building with the "Inn" sign hanging out front.  
  
"Where are you going?" Tokaki called, looking confused.  
  
"You don't really think we should travel all night, do you?" I replied dully.   
  
"No… But it's still early."  
  
"…And we don't know where the next town is. Besides, there are bandits in this area, and I don't want to be stuck out there as an easy target."  
  
"I could take care of--"  
  
"No, you can't." I didn't say it as a doubt of his fighting skills, but instead as a refusal to be protected by him. But still, I almost regretted the words. "…We're staying here."  
  
Inside, the elderly innkeeper informed me that there was only one room left. I was rather suspicious, as this wasn't a very large town, but he explained it to me. "Bandits, my dear girl! During these summer months, many people wouldn't mind staying out in the wilderness, but since there's been so many raids by the bandits lately, no one wants to take a chance."  
  
Tokaki spoke up from the doorway behind me. "That's okay, I'll stay outside with the horses. Just in case something should happen." He didn't sound too happy about it, but I didn't say anything.  
  
In the middle of the night, I awoke with a start. Something was wrong - I felt oddly ill at ease. It had started to storm at some point during the night, and now the rain and wind pouded against the wooden shutters on the window. I thought that it must have only been the thunder that pulled me out of sleep, but over the sounds of the storm, I could hear shouting outside.  
  
I dressed hastily, then ran down the stairs to see the innkeeper and his wife standing in the doorway, looking out. I pushed my way between them to see Tokaki outside, standing over a dark figure who was kneeling on the ground. My heart leapt into my throat - this wasn't just a simple bandit. I looked around quickly to see if he was alone.  
  
  
  
A sudden flash of movement on the roof of the building across the street caught my eye, and I looked up to see another dark figure. A flash of lightning illuminated the scene, and I could make out the figure better - to see that they held a dagger, and were taking aim.  
  
I screamed and squeezed my eyes shut. Almost instantly, Tokaki was beside me, grabbing onto my arm. After a long moment, I heard him mutter "Shit." I opened my eyes to see that the dagger had hit the man on the ground. "…Shit, shit, shit."  
  
"…What was that?" I said in a quiet voice, my heart still pounding.  
  
"One of Karasuki's minions," he replied, slowly letting go of my arm. "…Let's go inside, you're getting all wet."  
  
The innkeeper's wife brought us blankets and sat us by the fire in the kitchen. Tokaki told them that the men were simply bandits, and they seemed to accept that and went back to bed, shaking their heads and mumbling about "godforsaken bandits".  
  
We sat there quietly for a few moments, then I finally asked, "Why did his own companion kill him?"  
  
"Dead men tell no tales." Tokaki threw the blanket onto the ground. "If he lived, I would've been able to find out where Karasuki is."  
  
"What did they want?"  
  
"To stop us, of course. 'Give up now, while you still have your lives,'" he mimicked with a smirk. He leaned over to pick up the blanket again, and I noticed that there was blood on his sleeve. He glanced up to see what I was looking at, then waved his arm. "It's nothing, I'm fine."  
  
I shook my head, then got up and walked over to him. My hands were shaking as I placed them on his arm, and I whispered, "Onmikartera whamasu Tokaki."   
  
Surprised at the disappearance of the wound, Tokaki pulled his arm away and pushed up his sleeve. He looked up at me a bit of wonder in his expression. "That's really amazing."  
  
Shaking my head again, I let a small smile cross my lips. "Right, but it's not teleportation. Or telepathy or…"  
  
"Hey, come on, no low self-esteem. Byakko gave us all these powers for a reason, right? So we're all equally useful. Besides," he added, "If you couldn't do that, then I'd have to whine about being wounded. And I heard about how you saved Kokie's life. That's hardly something to be ashamed of. Everyone's different. You don't hear Amefuri and Kokie bitching about not being the prettiest seishi, do you?"  
  
My cheeks burned, and Tokaki took his eyes off me and looked into the fire. When I glanced at him, I thought I saw a bit of red in his cheeks, but I told myself it was probably just the fire.  
  
Finally, I excused myself to go back to bed, and although Tokaki said he'd be fine there, I felt kind of guilty. The truth was that I was rather terrified. It had taken all this time for me to realize my fear over what had just happened with Karasuki's followers. What happened if they came back? More specifically, what happened if they came back and Tokaki wasn't there to protect me? I couldn't defend myself; I had no fighting skills. I winced when I remember that it was just earlier that day that I had told Tokaki that I didn't want him to protect me. But tonight, when I screamed, he had appeared next to me right away, even at the risk of that one assassin escaping.  
  
Even at the risk of his life. The realization dawned on me suddenly. If he heard me scream, then he would have seen that I was in trouble, and to protect me even then. There should only be one person that we should put our lives in danger for, and that was Suzuno. Why would he do that?   
  
I didn't want to think about the answer. 


	9. Confrontation

In the morning, the sun streaming through the window woke me. I didn't move immediately, instead just rolling over and pulling the blankets up to my chin. The sun wasn't intrusive, merely comforting, and the warm rays only helped to make me more cosy. It took a long moment for me to recall where I was and what had happened the night before. As I sat up, slowly stretching my arms, a bird landed on the windowsill and twittered away happily. It was hard to believe that the attacks, and even the rainstorm, had occurred just a few hours earlier. While I got out of bed and started to dress, I glanced out the window to see that the sun was high in the sky, indicating that it was late morning, and I wondered why Tokaki hadn't woken me up yet. Surely we should have gotten moving earlier in order to find Karasuki and the Shinzaho quickly.  
  
When I opened the door, I discovered the answer to my query. Tokaki had apparently been sitting and leaning back against my door, and he fell backwards into me when I swung the door open. I stepped back quickly to avoid having my legs knocked out from under me, and his head landed on my feet.  
  
"Owwwww…" He mumbled, raising a hand to his head, then stopped himself and was quiet.  
  
"What are you--" I started, but also stopped when I realized that he could see right up my skirt. "PERVERT!" I jumped back, my face turning bright red and clamping my legs together.  
  
Tokaki got to his feet quickly, still rubbing the back of his head. "Oh, come on, it's hardly my fault! And besides, it's not like I haven't seen you--"  
  
"Don't even say it," I warned quietly. "…I suppose that's what you were doing outside my room too, huh?"  
  
"What? No!" Now his cheeks turned slightly crimson. "I was-- I was just, you know, in case any of those, uh, Karasuki's men came back, I wanted to make sure that, that, uh…"  
  
I watched him stumble over the words, and my heart pounded. I was thrown off; Tokaki never acted this way. He was always so sure of himself, to the point of being cocky, but now he couldn't even think of a decent excuse. Deciding to put him out of his misery, I finally spoke. "We should probably get going soon."  
  
After breakfast, we headed out of the village. Though there were no visible signs of the fight the night before, the innkeeper's news had spread rather quickly, for we could hear the murmurs among the people in the streets, as well as some curious glances at Tokaki and me. Once the town had vanished into the horizon behind us, we came to a fork in the road.  
  
"Which way?" I asked Tokaki.  
  
He shook his head. "I suck with directions. I'm leaving this one up to you."  
  
I looked both ways. The land was relatively flat, and I could see for miles. The road to the northeast went straight, while the road to the southeast veered off to the south and entered a dense forest. I felt nothing about either roads, nothing that would give me a feeling that one was the direction we should follow. "I don't know. Maybe we should just go back to the capital. It could take weeks, or even months to find Karasuki! We don't even know that he's still in the East anymore!"  
  
"We can't just give up, Subaru." I turned back to look at Tokaki and saw a determined look on his face. Feeling ashamed for even thinking of giving up, I nodded, then pointed to the forest road.  
  
"Good choice," he replied once we had started towards the trees. "…Nice and secluded."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I mean, it'll be nice to get out of this sun," he explained, but with a suggestive grin on his face.  
  
"Do you EVER think of anything else?"  
  
"Not with those around," he said, gazing at my chest.  
  
I gave him a glare, then kicked at my horse and galloped forward into the woods. It felt strange, but also good, to revert back to the teasing, light-hearted relationship we had before we had slept together and everything had been messed up. Even though his perversion was irritating, it was also a deformed version of flattery, and I felt better about that, especially now that he had seen everything and still said those things. It wasn't perfect, but it was better than just ignoring and avoiding each other.  
  
A rustle in the leaves above my head jerked me out of my thoughts, and I looked up to see a face looking down at me from inside a black hood. I didn't even have time to scream as the figure jumped down on top of me, grabbing my shoulders and pushing me off the horse, towards the foliage on the side of the road. Things seemed to move in slow motion as the black-cloaked figure clamped a hand over my mouth and we hit the ground with a painful thud. The man straddled me, keeping the one hand on my mouth while raising the other to his lips, and whispering "Shh," and grinning down at me with an evil glint in his eyes.  
  
I could hear the horse whinny and then the thudding of its hooves as it ran off, and a sinking feeling came over me. I didn't know how far back Tokaki was; I had run off rather quickly. Tears sprang to my eyes, but I blinked them back, a new determination running through me as I remembered my resolve from the night before to not be useless. Simutaneously I bit down hard on the man's palm and raised my knee hard to connect with his groin.  
  
He grimaced and released me momentarily, but as I scrambled to get away, his hands grabbed me again - this time around the throat. I choked, trying to draw breath, my own hands trying to pull away his arm, but to no avail. "Little bitch," he hissed in my ear. "Is that all you can do? I thought the Byakko Shichiseishi would be slightly more impressive."  
  
The thought reverberated in my mind. He's right, I told myself, you're a Byakko Shichiseishi, and you are not going to die here! I gripped his arm harder, digging my nails into his skin, and pushed the last breath of air out of my lungs to form the words "Omnikartera whamasu."  
  
When his hands didn't lose their grasp immediately, I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't know what I was trying to do; I had only ever used my powers to heal people before, so I didn't know what I could do to fight off an attacker. I had just started to pray for my life when his hands finally loosened.  
  
Relieved, I fell forward, coughing and gasping for air, and thanking Byakkoseikun. Then the man started screaming. Surprised, I turned to look - for I thought I had just done something to make him let me go, not hurt him. What I saw would haunt me for the rest of my life.  
  
He was aging rapidly. He had been a young man, no more than a few years older than me, but now he appeared to be in his late fifties or sixties. "What are you doing to me?! What's happening?!" He shouted in a gravely voice, looking up at me with horror on his face. He leaned towards me, holding out wrinkled hands to grab me again, but I quickly got to my feet and moved backwards, out of his reach. I couldn't store staring; the same terror that I had seen in his eyes was reflected in mine. His skin now hung off his bones and his voice quieted to a whimper, finally trailing off as he fell face-forward into the dirt.  
  
I continued to stare at the body for a long, silent moment. There was no movement; he wasn't breathing. Slowly, the realization dawned on me: I had killed him. Horrified, I shook my head as if to deny the fact and stepped back further. You killed him, you're a murderer, a murderer, a voice in my head repeated in a taunting tone. I shook my head more vehemently, whispering, "No!" This wasn't real, it couldn't be. It had to be a dream. I wasn't a murderer, I had never even killed a bug or spider before!   
  
"What happened? Subaru, where's your horse?"  
  
I looked up to see Tokaki walking towards me, leading his horse by the reins. I kept shaking my head, echoing my thoughts out loud: "I'm not a murderer!"  
  
"What? Su-" Then he saw the body, and looked back at me with an astonished expression on his face.  
  
"I didn't mean to! I didn't want to hurt him! I didn't know that I could hurt him, I didn't want to kill him, he just wouldn't let go and I had to do something so he wouldn't, so he wouldn't--" I sounded and felt hysterical. I couldn't put all the words together in my head and make them sound right; I just knew that I had to say something so that Tokaki didn't think I was a killer. But you are, my conscience told me. "I'm not, I'm not, I'm not…"  
  
But instead of accusing me, Tokaki appeared in front of me and pulled me into his arms. I started to sob, my tears soaking his shirt, and he only held onto me tighter. "Oh God, Subaru, I'm sorry… I should've been here, I shouldn't have let you go off alone," he said in a broken voice. "You're not a murdered, you did what you had to do, don't even think that you did something wrong."  
  
I didn't say anything. I couldn't forget the man's expression - even when I closed my eyes, the image was burned onto my eyelids. My throat was sore and my head was pounding from when I had fallen off the horse. I couldn't catch my breath and the tears wouldn't stop coming. But still, I felt a bit calmer in Tokaki's arms, like he was the one who could make it stop and make it all better.  
  
"I'm sorry," he repeated, whispering the words in my ear. "I'm sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt. I never meant to hurt you. I never should've let you out of my sight. I never should've left you…" Somehow his apologies about not having been able to protect me had merged with his regrets of months before.  
  
"Very good show."  
  
The strange voice was followed by clapping, and we pulled apart, Tokaki stepping in front of me yet still holding onto my hand. I wiped my eyes with my other hand and looked towards the direction the voice had come from. Up in the trees, a young man with raven black hair and piercing blue eyes gazed down at us.  
  
"Drama, action, romance," he continued, "This would make a hit play."  
  
"Karasuki!" I exclaimed in surprise.  
  
"I see my reputation preceeds me," He turned up a corner of his mouth into half of a smile. "May I ask what it is you've heard about me?"  
  
"That you're a fucking bastard," Tokaki snarled.  
  
Karasuki's smile faltered, and he looked disapproving. "That's not very polite, especially from one of my fellow seishi."  
  
"Don't even compare yourself to us. You have no right to call yourself a seishi," Tokaki replied, and I could hear the hatred in his voice.  
  
"What, just because I don't go following around some silly little girl, doing whatever she says, I'm not good enough?"  
  
"You owe your existence to her," I said quietly.  
  
Karasuki frowned, narrowing his eyes at me. "…Right," he said, as if deciding on something, "You do look like the little miss goody two-shoes type." His eyes slid up and down my body, then he added, "Or a whore."  
  
"Asshole!" Tokaki shouted. "Come down here and say that!"  
  
"No, I don't think so. Unfortunately, it's time for me to go." He jumped down from the tree branch and landed deftly on the ground in front of us. I squeezed Tokaki's hand to stop him from rushing forward, and Karasuki looked amused. "Anyway, I'm sure we'll meet again. After all, I do have something you need, don't I?" He laughed, then turned and started to walk away, but simply vanished after a few steps.  
  
After he was gone, we stood in silence for a long moment, staring at the spot where Karasuki had vanished. Finally, Tokaki mumbled, "That's my trick."  
  
I almost laughed, but given the circumstances, I couldn't find it in me. "Don't worry," I reassured him. "I'm sure he can't fight as good as you."  
  
He looked back and grinned at me. "Thanks. And if it helps, you're not a whore."  
  
I smiled weakly in gratitude. "Just don't let him get you all riled up like that. That's what he wants. We don't know what he can and can't do, so we can't risk anything right now."  
  
"I know. That guy's just so…"   
  
"I know." To tell the truth, Karasuki didn't so much anger me as he confused me. I didn't understand his motives - why would he betray Suzuno? Did he believe in Kutou's ideals? Or did he turn to Kutou just for the sake of being the legendary seishi who didn't follow his Miko? It gave me a headache to think about it. I saw the body of my attacker out of the corner of my eye, and I started to feel sick. Karasuki had almost been a welcome distraction from dealing with that.  
  
"Do you hear something?" I looked back at Tokaki to see he was staring in the direction that Karasuki had just disappeared in.  
  
There was the sound of hooves coming towards us, and when I looked I could make out the figures of two horses, a man on one of them. When he got a bit closer, he called out to us, "Hey, did you guys lose a horse?"  
  
My eyes widened. I knew that voice - it belonged to my sister's husband! A grin broke my face and I ran forward to meet him. I could hear Tokaki calling my name, sounding rather confused, but I didn't stop to explain. "Jin!"  
  
"What? DOULIN?!" Jin stared down at me, then jumped off his horse and swept me into a big bear hug. When he put me down, we both simultaneously asked, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was just out hunting," Jin explained. "When this horse showed up out of nowhere. I figured some travellers may be in trouble or something, so I headed back to the road." He grinned again. "How come you didn't write to Lina to tell her you were coming back?"  
  
"What? But we're nowhere near…"  
  
Jin pointed to the south. "Just a couple hours away, actually. There hasn't been much game around home lately, so I had to come out a bit further."  
  
"Um… Subaru?"  
  
"Oh! Tokaki!" I suddenly remembered. Jin instantly looked disapproving, and I realized that Lina had most likely told him everything that I wrote in my letters. "This is my brother-in-law, Jin." Tokaki looked instantly relieved, and I wondered whether he had thought Jin was my old boyfriend or some such thing. "Is it okay if we take a bit of a detour? I'd really like to go home." 


	10. Feels Like Home

Notes:  
This chapter took me awhile, even though it's slow and sappy -_-;; That's a question I want answered - is there too much sap in this fic? I can't help it, I'm a romantic *sob* (seriously, one of my friends once told me I should be a Harlequin romance writer o_O;;;)  
  
Anyhoo... Even though they're not in this chapter, here's Amefuri - http://garuby.com/ryn/art/amefuribad.jpg - and Kokie - http://garuby.com/ryn/art/kokiebad.jpg - just some lil doodles. I'm planning on doing better portraits at some point, these are just to give y'all a rough idea ^^  
  
And thank you very very very very very much to everyone who's reviewed so far :D I love getting reviews, since I'm not the most experienced author ^^; Oh, and if you leave a question, please make sure that you have a valid email addy, 'cos I'll try my best to reply to you ^^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
When we arrived back at my village, I felt so overwhelmed that I nearly burst into tears. For all these months that I had been away suddenly seemed so long and I couldn't imagine how I had survived. So many times I had wished that everything could be over and I could just go home, and now that I was, I didn't know how to react.  
  
Lina burst out of the door like a small tornado. I could barely even make out her figure before she jumped onto me and we both fell to the ground. Lina and I both started crying, Jin laughed, and Tokaki just looked confused. When we got to our feet, Lina started chattering away as if she hadn't been able to talk for months. "Look at you! You're all skinny! Don't they feed you in the capital? But those clothes, oh my goodness, they're even more beautiful than you said! Did you bring that blue one you were talking about? Why are you here? How come you didn't write me and tell me? I could've had everything prepared!" She glared at Jin. "Did you have something to do with this?" Jin just shook his head, still laughing, and Lina noticed Tokaki and narrowed her eyes. "Is that who I think it is?" she whispered to me, and I nodded slowly. Lina made a clucking noise and shook her head. "Let's go inside. You're staying the night," she added, not as a question but a demand.  
  
When we were inside and she bustled off to make some tea, I noticed how round she was in the middle and I followed her into the kitchen. "Lina! It looks like I'm not the only one who hasn't been telling everything!"  
  
She smiled sheepishly, patting her stomach. "Well, I didn't want to say anything until I was sure. If it's a girl, I'm naming her after you, Doulin. My sister, the Byakko Shichiseishi!" She exclaimed, looking proud.  
  
I blushed and headed back to the main room, but paused outside the door when I heard Jin's voice. "…I should be kicking your ass for what you did to Doulin, but I'll let Lina deal with you first. My god, that woman…" I felt more than uncomfortable. Jin had always been like a big brother to me, even from before he and Lina were married. He was a good friend, and I would always turn to him for advice, but now I wished that I hadn't told him and Lina everything.  
  
When Lina came back, Jin explained how he had found us and I filled in the blanks. Lina looked petrified when I told her I had been attacked, but I assured her that all was fine and she calmed down. Tokaki didn't say much the whole time we talked, and I felt rather sorry for him and guilty that I had put him in this situation.  
  
Even though it was wonderful to be home again, I had an urge to get up to my room and just sleep. By the time I excused myself, the sun was setting. I stepped outside onto the porch and was gazing out at the familiar landscape when I heard footsteps behind me, and turned to see Tokaki.  
  
"They're, uh, nice," he said slowly.  
  
"I'm sorry. I kind of wrote them and told them everything that happened, so…" I trailed off. I didn't want to bring the subject up again, and Tokaki looked uncomfortable enough already.  
  
Lina appeared in the doorway. "Doulin, you should get to bed! You've had a busy day."  
  
I was surprised, but said goodnight to Tokaki and went inside, heading up the stairs. Just as I got to my room, I could hear Lina's voice, which had a bit of an edge to it. "You, come with me. We're going to have a talk." Remembering Jin's words from earlier, I shook my head and closed the door.  
  
My room looked exactly the same, save for the fact that it was perfectly clean. I had never been much of a housekeeper, and while I wasn't a total slob, Lina's knack for cleaning evened us out. I sighed, sitting down on my bed. It had worked fine - Lina did the housework, Jin did the hard physical work, and I took care of the front end of the inn. It had seemed like such a bore while I had to live it day-to-day, but now I wouldn't have minded returning to that life one bit. I wondered how business had been since I left. This afternoon, we hadn't been interrupted once by possible patrons.   
  
However, I reminded myself of the innkeeper from the previous night, who had talked of bandits in the area, but now I knew that they weren't just regular bandits, they were members of Karasuki's group. I tried to think of where Karasuki would keep his headquarters. I knew this area, I had grown up in it and lived here all my life - so why didn't anywhere come to mind?  
  
I couldn't concentrate on the problem now; I was too exhausted. I vowed to think of a solution the next day, then closed my eyes and fell back onto the bed, drifting off to sleep the moment my head hit the pillow.  
  
I awoke when I felt lips on mine. It was like a dream, but I knew that it was real. I didn't push him away, even though I knew I should have; I don't think I could have if I had wanted to. But when I shifted slightly to raise my hand to his face, he pulled back and mumbled an apology, getting up to leave.  
  
"Don't--" I grabbed his wrist, and he stared at me. "…You don't have to leave." I let go of his wrist, and he nodded and sat down on the bed next to me, staring down at the floor. The moonlight was bright, but I got up and crossed the room to light the candles on my dresser anyway, adding a warm glow to the room. Returning to sit back on the bed, I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and forget that words even existed, but I knew that couldn't happen. This had to be resolved; it was long overdue.  
  
"You know," he started suddenly, "If you hadn't been there today, I probably would've fought Karasuki. But you were right, we shouldn't jump into anything. I didn't even think of that. You're like… A voice of reason."  
  
I nodded slowly, leaning against the wall and hugging my knees to my chest. "What did you talk to Lina about?"  
  
In the flickering light, I could make out a bit of a smile on his face. "She did most of the talking, actually. It wasn't so much a talk as it was a threat. "  
  
I smiled. "Lina can get a bit carried away… The fact that she's on hormonal overload right now probably didn't help much, either. What did she talk about, then?"  
  
"What do you want, a word for word recap?"  
  
"I remember one time, when we were little, the village bully stole one of my dolls. Lina yelled at him so much that he ran home crying. We all got quite a laugh out of seeing the toughest kid in town sobbing like a baby."   
  
"…And?"  
  
"All I'm saying is that you deserve what you got," I snapped, a little harsher than I meant to, but I didn't apologize.  
  
"Oh, come on," he groaned, covering his face in his hands. "I didn't come up here to get bitched at by you, too."  
  
"Then why did you come up here?" I asked, but he just shrugged in response, and I sighed, exasperated. "So you showed up in my room, in the middle of the night, to kiss me and then run away without saying anything?"  
  
He grinned. "I would've gone farther, but you woke up."  
  
"You're an idiot!" I threw my pillow at him, but he ducked and it hit the wall. A moment later, we could hear Jin's muffled voice yelling at us to shut up. I shook my head, then whispered, "Normally it's me who has to tell them to keep it down."  
  
Tokaki shuddered. "That's a mental picture I could've gone without, thanks." He noticed my quirked eyebrow and stammered an excuse. "I mean, they're nice enough and everything, it's just… Some things you don't need to know about." I nodded, and after a moment of silence, he asked, "Are you coming back here when this is all over?"  
  
I nodded again. "This is my home. There's nowhere else I'd rather go. You know," I added after a second of thought, "It isn't quite fair that you know so much about me when I don't know anything about you."  
  
"What's to know?" He shrugged non-commitedly.  
  
"Where you're from, your family… I don't even know your real name!"  
  
"That's probably a good thing," he cringed, but noticing my look, sighed. "Fine. Hahm Lan'uan, born nineteen years ago in some crappy village in the north, where it's fucking cold all the time. Parents died at the tender age of ten, went to live with some aunt in the capital. That's it. Happy?"  
  
"Don't you care about anything?" I asked in a quiet voice, and he looked at me with a surprised expression. "I mean, you take everything so lightly, even your own history. Isn't there anything that's important to you?"  
  
"Sure."   
  
"…And that is?"  
  
"What about being a seishi? That's pretty damn important. I mean, the whole 'blessed by Byakko-seikun' thing and all." He frowned, then looked at me again. "I'm not as shallow as you think I am."  
  
"Why is that so hard to believe?" I said irritably. It was getting late, and I was starting to feel the exhaustion from the previous day's events. And then I said it: "You treat other people like they don't matter. You don't care about anyone, barely even yourself. The only reason you're going along with being a seishi is because it benefits you, whether with money, fame, or a bigger selection of women for you to harass." I was fed up with this game. Just when I thought he had changed and was about to profess his newfound feelings for me, my hopes were knocked down again. I didn't want this pain anymore, I was sick of it.  
  
"Subaru…" He started, but I didn't look at him.  
  
"Get out. Unless you're going to apologize, get out. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?" I asked, all the while mentally repeating to myself that I wouldn't let myself cry.  
  
"Subaru, listen to me, for god's sake." He grabbed my shoulders, but I turned my face away. "You know, I would rather face Karasuki than go through this. You don't know how fucking scared I am of this. You are… You're… kind, caring, smart, and like I said, a voice of reason, you make sense of things, and yeah, you are the sexiest and most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but that is the last thing I think of when I look at you. And, and that's why I left, because I don't know what…" He trailed off, then dropped his hands from my arms. "Shit, I'm not like Tatara, I can't make this sound any good."  
  
"…I never fell in love with Tatara," I whispered in a shaking voice.  
  
As if that were a reminder of what to say, he turned back to me. "Subaru, I'm sorry. I love you."  
  
I didn't need anything more than those simple words. I had waited for months to hear them, in whatever form, and now that I had, tears welled up in my eyes and fell over onto my cheeks. "Was that really so hard?" I asked in a shaky voice, trying to smile.  
  
"Don't cry… I'm not that bad, am I?" he replied, reaching up to brush the tears from my cheek.  
  
"No, but it sure took you long enough!" I complained, but not without a tone of teasing in my voice.  
  
But he just smiled, then leaned over to kiss me. I closed eyes, and idly ran my fingers through his hair. I felt so totally, completely happy that everything else just flew out of my mind. It didn't matter that Suzuno was, that we had to face Karasuki, that Amefuri and Kokie were in danger. We had each other, and he loved me, he truly loved me, and that was all I needed to survive.  
  
He didn't try to push it further than a kiss, and although I probably would have gone further, I was content with that. After a while, we ended up cuddled up on my bed, my head resting on his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me. Just before I drifted off, I whispered, "You'd better be here in the morning, or I'm going to kill you," and he laughed and told me he loved me again. With that warmth filling my body, I fell asleep.  
  
When I awoke, he was still there, and we hadn't moved an inch. Not wanting to be awake and wanting to stay there forever, I tried to close my eyes and fall asleep again, but the sun shining through the window prevented that. In a half-asleep moment, I mused that I shouldn't have chosen the room that faced east, and then it occurred to me.  
  
"The east! Of course!" I sat up abruptly, inadvertently jabbing Tokaki in the chest with my elbow, and he groaned and rolled over.  
  
"Owww… Good morning to you, too," he mumbled.  
  
"I know where Karasuki is!" 


	11. untitled

This would've been sooner, if not for those evil things called exams x_x; Anyhooo, this chapter is about three pages longer than the others ^^; But minimal sap! Yay ^^ And this chapter needs a title...  
  
Opinion question: Who's your favourite mystery seishi (Karasuki, Kokie, Amefuri, Toroki) and why?  
  
~~~~~  
  
"What…?" Tokaki asked slowly, rubbing his eyes and sitting up.  
  
"I know where Karasuki is," I exclaimed again, jumping up and going to look out the window. "Because we're so close to the Kutou border, there used to be a lot of immigrants who came here for whatever reason but still worshipped Seiryuu. Sairou forbade worshipping of gods other than Byakko, and closed all temples to other gods over a hundred years ago. There's an old temple a few hours east of here, but it's been abandoned for years and years… It was kind of an legend when I was little, all these stories about ghosts and monsters and weird people worshipping Seiryuu there. But think about it, it's the perfect place for Karasuki! No one would look there and he'd be able to stay in contact with Kutou."  
  
"Wow. Yeah. I guess it's a good thing that we came here after all, or else we woulda been wandering out there for weeks… So what do we do now?"  
  
I shook my head. "Hey, I figured out where he is, you get to figure out how to get the Shinzaho."  
  
"Aww, but you're the smart one!" He protested, but I shook my head. "Uh, okay, then… We bust in there, take the Shinzaho, and run?"  
  
"…And get killed in the process?" I said dryly.  
  
"C'mon, I can take anything they throw at us!"  
  
"Don't be so cocky. Remember, we don't know what Karasuki can do."  
  
"Yeah, you're right…" He glanced down at the floor, then back at me. "Are you always right? That could get annoying." I just smiled, keeping my lips sealed. "Aw, fine. We should wait 'til night, anyway, then go, check the place out and work from there. Sound good?"  
  
I nodded, and an awkward silence followed. Now that that was cleared up, we were faced with the 'morning after'. I turned and looked out the window again, chewing on my lip. Maybe we should have just gone right now to find Karasuki; it would at least get rid of this uncomfortable position. Nothing came to mind to talk about, but I didn't want to just leave, either.  
  
"…And we didn't even do anything last night," I heard Tokaki mumble under his breath, and although I probably should have been mad, I laughed.  
  
"This is stupid," I said, shaking my head and heading over to the door. "Look, as long as I'm here, I'm going to help out Lina. You can just… Relax or whatever."  
  
"Hey, I can help, too," he insisted, jumping up and joining me in the doorway. "It'd get me on Lina's good side, right?"  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "You really want to cook and do laundry?"  
  
"Uh… On second thought, maybe not."  
  
I smiled and started to head off, but turned back instead and rose up on tiptoes to kiss him. His hands slid up and down my back, and I was just about to suggest that we could just go back to bed and hope no one noticed - the forwardness of which surprised me, but I didn't care much - when Lina's voice sounded out behind us.  
  
"Wow… I never knew just how heavy laundry baskets could be," she panted in a faked out-of-breath voice, and I jumped backwards away from Tokaki, my cheeks burning. Lina gave an odd, knowing smile, then continued as if I weren't there. "If only my loving sister were to help me out…"  
  
I bounded forward immediately, taking the basket from her, and she smiled widely. I turned and looked back at Tokaki, who laughed, then headed past me down the stairs, but not without patting me on the rear first. Lina burst into laughter. "Um, where do you want these?" I mumbled, my face beet red.  
  
"I didn't know you two were so cozy," she said slyly.  
  
"We didn't do anything!" I protested, but she shook her head.  
  
"But you would have! And in cases like these, I have to take over the responsibility from our mother, and say 'none of that until you're married!'"  
  
I rolled my eyes, and we set out back downstairs, Lina detailing everything that she needed done that day. It wasn't that much, which was a good thing, for we spent most of the time gossiping, her telling me all the news of the village - who got married, who had babies, who died. I found out that there had been a bandit attack on the village about a month after I left, but that Jin and some other men had been able to fight them off without any damage done. Worried, I suggested that she and Jin come back to the capital with me, at least until their baby was born, but Lina refused, citing that she had a responsibility here. "Everyone has their place in life," she told me. "Maybe yours is to be chosen by Byakko-seikun, but mine is just an innkeeper, wife and mother, and I'll do that to the best of my ability."  
  
Sometimes Lina surprised me. Normally she just seemed like an average older sister, sometimes teasing, sometimes protective, but sometimes she would spout off these pearls of wisdom as if she were some great philosopher. Maybe I had been the one to travel off to foreign places, and she hadn't ever left this village, but she seemed a lot more worldly and knowledgable about how things work than me.  
  
After dinner, I went out to collect the laundry off the line, and saw that Tokaki was out in the street, playing with a bunch of local children, most of whom I recognized. Reminded of how I had found him like that back in the capital after Suzuno had disappeared, a smile crossed my face, and I found myself wondering what it would be like if those children were ours.  
  
I didn't even notice Lina joining me on the porch, but she followed my gaze and smiled, as well. "He's good with children. I bet he'd make a great father."  
  
"Mm," I agreed, and Lina's face broke into a broad grin.  
  
"You were thinking about that!"  
  
"What?! No!" I stared at her, wide-eyed, and shook my head frantically. "No, no, I was not. We barely even know each other, I'm not thinking about that!"  
  
"Thinking about what?" Tokaki appeared next to me, and I jumped back, startled.  
  
"Don't do that! You're going to give me a heart attack!" I put my hand on my chest. "Nothing, I wasn't thinking about nothing. Right, Lina?"  
  
"I don't know," she said. "Not thinking about nothing means that you're thinking about something, doesn't it?  
  
"I wasn't--" I protested, trying to signal madly with my eyes for her to not say anything. She just smiled back at me, and I threw my hands in the air. "Oh, go away!" She pouted momentarily, but then turned and went back into the house. I turned back to Tokaki. "Where'd your friends go?"  
  
"Past their bedtime."  
  
"I think you need some older friends," I told him, and he grinned, then glanced at the sky.  
  
"The sun's going down. We should get going."  
  
I nodded slowly, then looked towards the East. We really had to do this, we really had to face Karasuki. All day I had been able to push it out of my mind, to just forget about it and go about doing regular things, but now that the task was right in front of us, my heart pounded with anxiety. Tokaki went to get the horses ready, and I went inside to tell Lina we were leaving. All I had told her was that we had to go find the seventh Seishi, and although she looked suspicious, she didn't fuss too much. I hadn't told her much about the whole situation with Karasuki, so she didn't know that he was the one we were after, and therefore didn't realize the danger. She asked why it was we had to wait until nightfall, but I avoided the question, telling her we would be back by morning.  
  
During the couple of hours it took to ride to the temple, I babbled like an idiot, going on about all the things Lina had told me about everyone in the village. While Tokaki didn't say much, I was sure that my nervousness was making me sound completely stupid.  
  
The temple was just inside a small forest, surrounded by several small creeks and streams. We dismounted a fair distance away, past the edge of the trees. While Tokaki tied up the horses, I stared at the building, which was barely visible through the foliage, trying to shake my uneasiness. "I don't like this," I finally said in a quiet voice. "Something bad is going to happen."  
  
"Of course it is," Tokaki replied simply. "We're not exactly here for a friendly visit."  
  
"Well, why not?" I asked. "Why can't we just sit down and talk it out, instead of having to fight?"  
  
"Don't be so naïve, Subaru," he said in an exasperated voice. "This is the real world. People don't just sit down over tea and discuss their problems."  
  
"I'm sorry for being optimistic," I reply hotly, blinking back the tears that stung the backs of my eyes. "I'm not an idiot, don't talk to me like that."  
  
Tokaki sighed, turning to look at me. "I'm sorry. Think about it, though: if you wanted to talk nicely with someone, would you send assassins after them? I didn't mean… It's just that I'm a bit, uh… On edge, I guess."  
  
"And you're the one who knows how to fight! Think about how I must feel!"  
  
"Yeah," he looked thoughtful for a moment.  
  
"Oi! Who's out there?" A voice called out suddenly, and I heart a rustle in the trees in front of us. Tokaki grabbed me, and the next thing I knew we were up in the branches of a tree. I stared down, wide-eyed, my heart nearly stopping. When I was about four or five, I had fallen out of a tree and broke my arm, and ever since I'd had a deathly fear of heights. I turned and hid my face in Tokaki's chest, squeezing my eyes shut.  
  
"Huh? What's wrong?"  
  
"Can we get down now?" I mumbled in a muffled voice.  
  
"What? Don't tell me you're scared of heights!"  
  
I nodded frantically, and he started to laugh, but stopped abruptly. I heard the sounds of someone walking below, the same voice that had just called out muttering, "I coulda sworn I heard someone…"  
  
When the footsteps finally quieted, I dared to speak again. "Down now?"  
  
Tokaki put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away, then looked into my eyes. "Hey, you stay here, I'll go get the Shinzaho and I'll be right back."  
  
"What?" I exclaimed. "No, Tokaki, don't--" He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, then pulled back. I tried to grab for his arm, but he was already gone. I stared at the place where he had been for the longest moment, too petrified to move. How stupid could he be? Go alone? My eyes slipped downwards again, and I gripped the branch tighter, the bark scratching my hands. This was not going well at all.  
  
After a few moments of going over every worst possible situation in my mind, I figured out that there was no way I could just sit there and do nothing. Careful not to look down, I glanced around at the building - only to discover that a branch led right to a small window, albeit with a gap of a couple feet between the end of the branch and the building. Still, there was no way I could get down onto the ground again; the lowest branch on the tree was several meters off of the ground.  
  
Mentally repeating to myself not to look down, I got to my feet slowly, holding onto the trunk of the tree tightly. I edged my way around the trunk to the other side where the branch that was my goal was. When I reached it, I told myself that was half the battle done, there was nothing to worry about. I gripped the branch above so hard that my fingers turned white, and slowly started making my way down it towards the window. Only when the branch starting thinning out did I start to get nervous, and when I reached near the end, I felt it start to bend under my weight. The window was still too far away, as well - there was no way that I could jump that far onto such a small ledge.  
  
I went backwards onto the thicker part of the branch and nearly burst into tears at having my clever plan become unsuccessful. I found myself thinking of Tatara, how if he were here he could make the tree grow so that it would be close enough to the window - and another idea occurred to me. An aging tree would be the same as a growing one! I knelt down and put my hands onto the branch I was standing on, then whispered the incantation and watched as the branch slowly got thicker and longer, new leaves sprouting as it reached the window. "Subaru, you're a genius," I declared to myself, smiling triumphantly.  
  
I went back out further onto the branch, then knelt again and pushed at the window shutters. Locked. I hit them hard with the side of my fist, but that resulted in nothing but a sharp pain in my hand. I winced, but wasted no time in using my powers to age the wood significantly until it was rotted enough to be hit again successfully.   
  
After sliding through the window, I stood and took a minute to brush myself off before proceeding. Voices outside the door made me freeze, but the door on the opposite wall didn't open, and I relaxed as I realized that the men were only talking about what a boring job guard duty was. Finally, I looked around the room. It was rather plain, with nothing but several boxes piled up at one end. I was stuck on what to do next. I couldn't go out into the halls and risk being found by the guards, but surely I couldn't stay here. Luckily, the guards gave me a valuable piece of information.  
  
"What is this Shinzaho thing anyway?"  
  
"I dunno. I just know that it's important."  
  
"That important that it needs both of us guarding it?"  
  
My heart jumped. The Shinzaho was in this room! I headed over to the end of the room with the boxes. There were so many of them; how was I supposed to know where to look? I knew I didn't have much time and that I couldn't risk the noise I would make opening and searching through all of them. At that moment, the moon came out from behind a cloud, illuminating the room. A glint in the corner of the pile caught my eye, and I moved closer to see a shining red box with gilded gold edges half-hidden by several large boxes. I pulled it out as quickly and quietly as I could, then undid the clasp and threw back the top.  
  
Inside were the two most beautiful bracelets I had ever seen. They were ruby red, embedded with diamonds and had gold edges. I pulled them out from their silk resting place and slid them onto my wrist, then shut the box turned to put it back in the same place I had found it, but my elbow hit another box and I watched with horror as the pile went falling to the ground with a loud crash.  
  
The door opened, spilling light into the room, and I turned to see the two guards come rushing in, expressions of first surprise, then delight on their faces. I glanced towards the window, but one of the guards was already ahead of me and ran to block it.  
  
"Well, well, well, what have we here?" said the guard at the doorway, wearing a smirk on his face. "Don't you know stealing is a crime?"  
  
I hid my arms behind my back, moving backwards until I ran into the pile of boxes. There was shouting in the hallway, and suddenly five more guards came rushing in. Whatever chance I had at taking on merely the two of them had just gone out the window. My heart sank.  
  
"Now, if you could just give back what you've taken," continued the first guard, stepping over to me and holding out his hand. "We'll kill you quickly and minimize suffering." He grinned, then reached for my arm, pulling it out from behind my back and grabbing the bracelets and yanking them from my wrist.  
  
"Let go of her!" Tokaki suddenly materialized in front of me, pushing the surprised guard backwards and hitting him hard across the face. The guard coughed and wiped at the blood that spurted from his nose, and Tokaki turned back to me quickly. "Didn't I tell you to wait there?"  
  
"Don't go running off by yourself!" I exclaimed in protest. "And don't leave me in a tree!"  
  
"You'd have been safe there!" He turned just as another guard rushed forward, brandishing a small dagger. Tokaki grabbed the man's arm just in the nick of time, then twisted it, and I heard a sickening cracking noise and the man cried out in pain, dropping the dagger and grabbing his arm.  
  
The first guard spat out a mouthful of blood, then raised his head and growled, glancing back at his men. "Don't just stand there, you idiots!"  
  
Tokaki looked at me, then at the bracelets in the first guard's grasp, and I nodded, and he turned back to the other guards, cracking his knuckles. "Yeah, c'mon, can't any of you fight?"  
  
The minute that they rushed forward, I dashed over to the first guard, who was momentarily distracted by the fight. When I grabbed the bracelets from him, he stared at me, startled, then hit me across the cheek with the back of his hand. I winced, tasting blood in my mouth, but didn't relinquish my hold. "Let go, you bitch!" He snarled.  
  
I gripped his hand, ready to try the same thing I had done to the assassin yesterday, albeit a little wary. But before I could, a sudden silence washed over the room, and I looked over to see that two of the guards had fallen, but a third guard looked disturbingly triumphant and I stared in horror as I realized that his knife was embedded in Tokaki's shoulder. The guard yanked the knife out and turned to smirk at me, but Tokaki raised his other arm and hit the guard in the back of the neck, sending him crumpling to the floor. Tokaki looked over at me with an expression of disbelief on his face, then fell to his knees, holding his shoulder and blood soaking his shirt.  
  
I started to rush forward, but the first guard grabbed my arm and I stared at him with terror. "Too bad your little mission failed," he sneered at me.  
  
This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. Today had been so perfect, so wonderfully peaceful, and now this? It didn't seem right. I looked back over at Tokaki, who was staring at his blood-covered hand. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, mentally repeating to myself that this was just some sort of bad dream, that it wasn't real - but the pain in my cheek and where the guard was holding my arm was far too real.  
  
"I don't want this anymore," I whispered. "Why is this happening? Why can't I just have a normal life? Don't do this to me," I opened my eyes, directing my comments now at the guard who held my arm, as if he were the one responsible for everything that had happened in my life. "Just stop it… Stop!" I cried, tears spilling over my cheeks.  
  
I don't know how I did it, but something happened. The symbol on my chest burned, and I felt a sudden surge of power rush over my body. In an instant, it was gone, pushed out of me, and I felt as though that was all the energy I had in my body - my legs felt weak, as if I would fall at any moment. When the soft buzzing started in my ears, I realized the silence in the room, and stared around, my hands starting to shake.  
  
Everything had stopped. The first guard had a sneer frozen on his face, while the others stood motionless, either looking at me or Tokaki, who was still staring at his hand. Slowly, I pulled my arm away from the grasp of the first guard, holding onto the bracelets tightly. I stepped away from the guard, holding my breath and walking lightly, as if one wrong step or loud noise would break the spell.  
  
When I reached Tokaki, I fell to my knees in front of him, feeling as though I couldn't stand any longer. I reached out and touched him lightly, and he blinked, looking up at me, then at the rest of the room, confused. "What just happened…?" He asked in a hoarse voice.  
  
"You idiot," I murmured, the tears starting again. "I didn't wait that long just to lose you after a day."  
  
"I didn't want you to get hurt," he started to explain, but I shook my head. My arms felt so heavy, but I raised my hand and held it over his shoulder. My eyes started to blur, and I blinked several times to try and clear them, but to no avail. "Onmi…" I whispered, the words feeling slurred in my mouth. My mind felt like mush, and I struggled to remember the words.  
  
"Subaru…?"  
  
"Shh… Onmikartera whamasu," I mumbled weakly, my eyelids drooping. "Tokaki…" I finished, then slumped forward into him, and I felt his arms close around me as everything went black and I surrendered to the oblivion of unconciousness. 


	12. As The End Draws Near

Notes:  
This chapter took me way too long x_x; I knew where I was going with future chapters, but I didn't really know how to get there, so I ended up throwing together a few smaller ideas that I had floating around into one chapter, and tada~! :D  
  
Um... The title is a temporary one until I can see if I can think up a better one ^^; Inspired by the Sarah McLachlan song. And just in case you're wondering, I was thinking about ending the fic at chapter 13, but decided that that would leave waaaay too many things open, plus I've somehow developed a bunch of new twists (that I might get killed for, but anyway x_x;) that I can't... stop... writing... this... fic... @_@  
  
Warning: The sap is back. I'm sorry ;_; With it comes a lime (I think/hope that's the right word... hinting at a lemon but nothing graphic, right? Dwar...) Also a bit of a 'disturbing' scene that may not be suitable/appropriate for younger viewers (am I on TV? o.o;) So red with discretion, or something ^^;;;  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"...Don't worry, she'll be fine. It's happened before, when our father died. Our mother and I were out, and we came back to find Father dead and poor Doulin barely awake herself, having spent the whole time trying to bring him back. She just doesn't know when to quit. I told her that she should be more careful, but does she listen to her older sister like she should?"  
  
It was Lina's voice that woke me up, but when I opened my eyes, in the doorway was the person that I least expected. But she was there - dark hair still pulled into two long braids, that same navy blue uniform she wore whenever she wasn't in danger of being recognized.  
  
"Suzuno?!" I exclaimed - at least, tried to, for my voice came out as a hoarse whisper. I cleared my voice and sat up, albeit a little groggily, and tried again. "Suzuno?"  
  
She turned and her face broke into a wide smile, but before she could even try to say anything, Lina rushed to my side, with a frown on her face. "You! What do you think you were doing?" She scolded, but I ignored her and continued to stare at Suzuno, my surprise clearly shown on my face.  
  
Suzuno giggled, although I wasn't sure whether it was because she was intimidated or amused by Lina. "I'm back!" She said simply, striking a little pose.  
  
"But when--? How? Where were you?" My brain wasn't functioning properly, and I could barely string together a proper sentence.  
  
"Just an hour or so ago, don't worry, you haven't missed anything. If it weren't for Jin, though, I would've been completely lost. For some reason, I appeared in the middle of the woods." She shook her head. "And I was so excited after finding where my father had hid the bo-- Er, that is, that I figured out how to come back," she finished hurriedly, but I wondered what she was originally going to say.  
  
"Oh," I said simply, glancing at Lina, who looked mildly amused, though I wasn't sure at what. Looking back at Suzuno, the events of the night before came flooding back to me all at once. "Suzuno, we have the Suzaku Shinzaho, so we can-- Oh no, where's Tokaki?" I exclaimed, remembering the bloody state I had last seen him in.  
  
At this, Lina burst into laughter, and while I stared at her with a horrified expression, Suzuno, wearing a smile of her own, pointed over my shoulder. I turned my head to see Tokaki sitting beside my bed, wearing a bemused look on his face. He was wearing one of Jin's shirts, which was a bit too big on him, but other than that, looked completely fine. Better than fine, in fact, I thought, and I threw my arms around his neck. "Don't scare me like that!" I cried, my voice muffled against his chest.  
  
"Scare you?!" He put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me back, looking at me. "I'm not the one who passed out in a crowd of thugs! Don't you ever do that to me again!"  
  
"Then don't run off and leave me in a tree again!" I sniffled, wiping my cheeks.   
  
"If you'd have just stayed in the tree, then we wouldn't be here in the first place!"  
  
"No, because you'd be dead!"  
  
"I would not! I told you, I can take care of myself."  
  
"Obviously not! If you could, then why did I have to--"  
  
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Suzuno interrupted suddenly, then looked at Lina with an expression of disbelief. "Are you sure you told me the truth about them?"  
  
"What about us?" Tokaki and I asked in unison.  
  
"It's all true," Lina giggled, and Suzuno just smiled innocently.  
  
Tokaki shook his head, then looked at me again. "I didn't know you could do what you did back there - the entire building was frozen, nobody was moving."  
  
"...I didn't know I could, either." I stared down at the blankets, shaking my head. "But I don't think I'll be doing it too often if I end up unconscious."  
  
"C'mon, all you need to do is practice. Besides," he added with a sly grin, "It could come in handy if there's ever lots of people around and we--"  
  
"What?! No!" I exclaimed in protest, but I could already feel the blush in my cheeks. Lina mumbled something that sounded like "hopeless", while Suzuno looked bewildered. "Wh-what's with this?" I said, changing the subject and tugging at Tokaki's sleeve.  
  
"Huh? Oh, apparently you don't do clothes," he rolled his eyes. "I liked that shirt, too..."  
  
"Well, maybe if you hadn't gotten stabbed in the first place..."  
  
"Maybe if I didn't have to be worrying about you--"  
  
"Okay, okay, come on," Suzuno interrupted again, this time shaking her head. "My little sister and her friends are more grown-up than this." She moved her arm slightly, and I saw that she now wore the Shinzaho bracelets around her wrist. "We have more important things to do now. I don't think Byakko-seikun would be too happy if he has to wait much longer. Besides," she added in a quiet voice, "I want to get back to the capital and see Tatara."  
  
Tokaki narrowed his eyes, but I poked him and he didn't say anything. Everything was going fine; we had the Shinzaho, Suzuno was back, and I was certain that Amefuri and Kokie must have retrieved the Seiryuu Shinzaho and be on their way back to Sairou by now. In these were in fact the last few days that Suzuno would be in this world, I didn't want her and Tatara's time together to be ruined.   
  
Regardless of Lina's protests, we left a few hours later, in the early afternoon. Although I didn't feel entirely at full health, I was somewhat energized by the thought that this would all soon be over, and then I could rest as much as I wanted. I told Lina that I would see her in a week or less, and if, god forbid, anything should happen, I would write her every day.  
  
Suzuno surprised us by being an excellent horsewoman, and when I inquired as to why she had always ridden with Tatara before, she just smiled. Despite Tokaki's urgings that I should ride with him, I knew that that would lead to more than a bit of a distraction and took my own horse.  
  
During the ride, Suzuno declined to say much about what she had done in her world, other than expressing her puzzlement when we told her how long she had been gone. She didn't expand on it, though, and instead spent the rest of the day inquiring about every little detail of what had been happening in Sairou.  
  
Late in the afternoon, when we were deep in a forest, Suzuno halted her horse and looked around, an expression of deep thought etched on her face. "...I know this place," she finally exclaimed, a smile washing over her features. "This is where I first came to this world! And that means Amefuri's village is just ahead!" She dug in her heels and rode on ahead at a gallop. I started to follow her, feeling a little excitement at being able to meet Amefuri's family, who I'd heard so much about, but not sharing Suzuno's total exuberance. When I noticed Tokaki wasn't following, I looked back at him to see a frown on his face.  
  
"Something's wrong," he said, and then Suzuno screamed.  
  
We caught up with her a few moments later, the trees clearing to reveal a village - or what remained of it. The buildings were now just charred black remnants, some still smoking. Suzuno, who had already dismounted, sunk to her knees, staring in wide-eyed disbelief, tears streaming down her cheeks. For a moment, I thought that it wasn't so bad, hoping with a foolish bit of optimism that maybe everyone had escaped. But I saw soon enough that that wasn't true - when I dismounted and went over to Suzuno, I saw what she had obviously already seen.  
  
A pile of charred bodies, half-hidden behind a building. I instantly felt sick, and swallowed hard, turning away and squeezing my eyes shut, trying to block out the horrible vision, but it was as if it were emblazoned on my eyelids. Behind me, I could hear Suzuno sobbing, and when I opened my eyes to look at Tokaki, he looked so shaken that I had to put a hand to my mouth to muffle my own sobs.  
  
"We have to leave," Tokaki said suddenly, walking over to Suzuno and pulling her to her feet.  
  
"W-we can't!" She protested. "What if someone's still alive, what if--"  
  
"No one is. Listen," he said, glancing at me as well, "Karasuki's men couldn't have done this. That means the only option is Kutou. And armies don't abandon land they've captured, which means we won't be alone for long."  
  
"But, but... Amefuri's... Her little... They were so young. How could, how could anyone..." Suzuno broke down as a new wave of sobs wracked her body.   
  
Tokaki put an arm around her and helped her up onto his horse, looking back at me. "Are you alright?"  
  
I wasn't, but there wasn't anything else to do, so I nodded numbly, getting back onto my own horse and not looking back at the village. Suzuno's crying eventually quieted, and she spent the rest of the ride staring down at the ground. If not for Tokaki's support, I was certain that she would just collapse to the ground as if she were a ragdoll.  
  
Somehow, we managed to not run into the Kutou army, and instead found a camp of Sairou soldiers just as the sun was setting. Though we narrowly avoided getting killed when they brandished their swords at us, they relented and let us through when they saw Suzuno. Despite her nearly catatonic state, she inspired a wave of excitement through the ranks, and the previously weary and worn soldiers now looked in the direction of the enemy with new expressions of energy and confidence. This didn't phase Suzuno, however; her only word since leaving the village was "Tatara".  
  
One of the soldiers took time to explain the situation. The Kutou army had been steadily making advances in the last few days, but had paused at this spot, a day's ride from the capital. Luckily, this had given Sairou the chance to amass more soldiers at both this place and the rest of the Kutou border. Though everyone was wary of what Kutou was planning, it was lucky that Sairou was given this chance to prepare and maybe even stand a chance against the war-driven country to the East.  
  
Sometime during this conversation, a horrible thought occurred to me. My own village was near the Kutou border - what if the same thing that had happened to Amefuri's village happened there? Tokaki looked over and saw my panicked expression. "What's wrong?"  
  
"I have to go home! What if something happened there? I told Lina she should come to the capital with us," I moaned. Why couldn't she have listened to me just once? Now she could be killed.  
  
"Haven't you been listening? The Sairou army is stronger than ever. Nothing's going to happen."  
  
"But what if it does? What if--"  
  
"Nothing will. I'm not dragging two of you back to the capital, so just relax." He squeezed my arm, and I bit down on my quivering bottom lip. "Look, Lina can take care of herself. She's got enough sense to get out if there's any danger - which there won't be."  
  
I nodded. He was right. Lina and Jin were safe there, maybe even safer than they'd be in the capital - after all, the Kutou army would be headed for the capital, and might bypass those little out-of-the-way villages. But still, I couldn't help but worry. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there remained an inkling of disquiet that told me something was going to happen.  
  
It was another hour after we set off again until we came to another small village. Although it seemed deserted, a few people remained, including the innkeeper. They told us that everyone else had left out of fear of an advance by the Kutou army, but those who stayed behind had faith in the Sairou army and weren't too worried - at least, that's what they told us.  
  
I followed Suzuno upstairs to our room for the night, and she surprised me by sitting on the bed and bursting into tears again. I hadn't expected her to be over the shock of what had happened to Amefuri's village already, but I thought she was still in that sort of trance that she had remained in while we were travelling. When I sat next to her on the bed and put an arm around her shoulders, she covered her face in her hands.  
  
"I can't summon Byakko," she sobbed.  
  
"What?" I said, unsure of whether I'd heard her correctly. "Of course you can, we have the Shinzaho now--"  
  
"It's not that. It's because I'll..." She wiped her cheeks abruptly and looked at me, a twinkling of hope in her eyes. "There's some other way, right? Maybe we can just send emissaries to Kutou and come up with a peace settlement."  
  
Not wanting to call her suggestion outright ridiculous, I changed the subject back. "Suzuno, why can't you summon Byakko?"  
  
She took a shaky breath and stared down at the floor. "Wh... When I went back to my world, I talked to my father. He's the one who had the-- who knows about this place. He told me that my friend, Takiko, came here also. It was a couple years ago, I remember, but I thought she had just gone on an extended vacation or something. But she was here, in this world, as Genbu no Miko. And then she came back, and she died not long after. The god, he consumed her. She died because she summoned the god. So I can't - I don't want to die!"  
  
I stared at her in shock. This was a part of the legend that I had never heard before - of a Miko dying immediately after summoning her god. "Maybe... Maybe she was just sick," I said weakly, but Suzuno just shook her head, more tears spilling over onto her cheeks. I sighed, unsure of what to do or say about this situation. "Why don't you just get some sleep, and try not to worry about it now, and tomorrow we'll go back to the capital and try to find out more about this." She nodded, but still didn't look too happy, so I added, "And besides, I bet Tatara will be happy to see you."  
  
"That's right," she whispered, a small smile finally crossing her lips. "I can stay here with Tatara even if I don't summon Byakko. There has to be some other way to stop the war, right, Subaru?"  
  
I nodded and smiled back at her, not wanting to worry her anymore and letting her drift off to sleep with that happy thought in her head. After she had crawled under the covers and was finally asleep, I rose and left the room, finding Tokaki standing outside, leaning against the wall. "She's asleep," I whispered, and he nodded and took my hand, leading me into the room across the hall.  
  
The next thing I knew, we were on the bed in various stages of undress, kissing with a frenzied passion. I had been about to bring up Suzuno's predicament, but the moment that his lips met mine, all coherent thought flew from my mind, replaced by an all-consuming raw and unbridled passion that I had never felt before. I wanted him so much, wanted him in my arms, wanted to feel his skin against mine. It wasn't just the physical, though; I needed him and loved him more than I had the last time we had done this. These feelings were only intensified by the recent brushes with death and by the uncertainity of what was to come, the idea that we could lose each other tomorrow. No one else had ever made me feel this way, either emotionally or physically, and I let no regrets or doubts cross my mind. This was what I wanted - he was what I wanted - and nothing else mattered in that moment.  
  
Later, in the darkness, I couldn't help but let my fears resurface. What was to happen? Would we - or could we - summon Byakko? What about Karasuki, would he just give up? Or did we in fact need his cooperation in order to summon the god? And what of Kutou, who could end so many lives in one fell swoop? There were too many questions that had yet to be answered.  
  
As if sensing my apprehension, Tokaki tightened his arms around me, and I pressed closer to him, as if he were the life boat that would keep me afloat in this sea of uncertainity.  
  
"What happens now?" He mumured into my hair.  
  
"We go back to the capital, Suzuno summons Byakkoseikun, and we all live happily ever after." Saying the words aloud didn't make them sound any truer.  
  
"I hope you're right."  
  
So do I, I thought, and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to clear my head and get some much-needed sleep. 


	13. Fushigi Akugi!

...Yes, yes, I'm still alive _-_;; I am working away at chapter 13 and onward, and have everything (er, well, most of it) figured out, it's just a question of time x_x; (last year o' high school = PAIN) So... Yes, 13 is coming, probably sometime during April (must... finish... French ISU... x_x) so I just ask that you bear with me a little longer here ^^; ...that is, if people are still reading this (only three reviews for ch12, compared with the number for other chapters... or did 12 just suck? Eee... TT)  
  
So, in the interim, I present you with... Fushigi Akugi~! But I'm hardly a humour writer, so just pretend to be amused, okay? Okay. ^^;  
  
  
~~~~~ONE!~~~~~  
  
(Chapter 3)  
  
Tokaki: Doulin, Subaru, whoever you are, it's a pleasure to meet you. *kisses her hand*  
  
Subaru: ... *blushes* ...! *sings* A kiss on the hand may be - quite continental - but diamonds are a girl's best friend~!  
  
Tokaki: Let's make love!  
  
Subaru: Eeee, hentai!  
  
(Ryn: I love Moulin Rouge. I love it! Eeeeeee! *o*)  
  
  
~~~~~TWO!~~~~~  
  
(Chapter 10)  
  
Tokaki: Shit, I'm not like Tatara, I can't make this sound any good.  
  
Subaru: …I never fell in love with Tatara.  
  
Tokaki: ......  
  
Subaru: ...?  
  
Tokaki: ......  
  
Subaru: ...?  
  
Tokaki: ....Line?  
  
Subaru: *smacks him* You love me, you dolt!  
  
(Ryn: ...I was dropped on my head as a baby? ^^;)  
  
  
~~~~~THREE!~~~~~  
  
(Chapter 11)  
  
Subaru: *in Karasuki's "headquarters"* ...I found the Shinzaho!  
  
Tokaki: What is it?  
  
Subaru: A ring... Oh, it's got some writing on it...  
  
Tokaki: What's it say?  
  
Subaru: "One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them"...  
  
Both: *sweatdrop*  
  
Suzuno: *runs in, grabs the ring* My preeeeecioussss...  
  
(Ryn: ...Legolas! *o*)  
  
  
...Yeah. XD I never said they were good, but they amuse me XD Oi, it's Easter, I've had faaar too much sugar today, gimme a break X3 So yeah. New chapters, soon, I promise ^^; 


	14. Complications

I have to apologize for how long it took me to write this chapter ^_^;;; I haven't updated since March! ^^;;;; I really hope there are still people around who are interested in this fic... T_T  
  
Anyway, I've decided to look for some beta-readers, because I haven't been getting a whole lot of feedback and I want to make sure that I'm doing the best job I can on this fic, 'cos it's my baby *_* If you're interested, please either leave a review or email me at ryn@moonchylde.net (although I will be computer-less from August 10th-17th, so please don't worry if I don't reply to you ^^;)  
  
So... Please let me know what you think of this fic so far ^^ I like this chapter ^^ It took me so long to get out, but I tried to make sure it was good enough to make up for the lost time ^^;;  
  
Enjoy~! :D  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Suzuno was acting almost giddy during our trip back to the capital. She wore a smile on her face the whole time, talking only about how excited she was to finally be going back to the palace and, needless to say, Tatara. We passed several regiments of soldiers on their way to the front lines, and Suzuno gave them all a bright smile and words of encouragement to do the best for their country, and told them that she would pray for their safety and success in battle. If her horse would have had the energy, I was willing to bet that they would have bounced all the way back to the capital.  
  
She only managed to make me worry about her more, however. Such a mood swing could not be healthy in any way, much less to a girl who had been through so much emotional turmoil already. Despite her insistences that nothing was wrong, I was almost certain that she had only pasted on her cheerful outward appearance in order to avoid having anyone worrying about her. Needless to say, it managed to have the adverse effect on me.  
  
After I had asked her for the umpteenth time whether she was feeling alright, Tokaki gave me a strange look. "Why do you keep bothering her?" He asked when Suzuno had ridden far enough ahead that she was out of hearing range.  
  
"It's... Nothing," I replied softly. I didn't know whether or not Suzuno wanted the new information about her problems with the summoning to be public knowledge yet, so I decided to keep my mouth shut.  
  
Tokaki gave an exasperated sigh. "She says nothing's wrong. You say it's nothing. I don't have to be a genius to figure out that it's definitely something. So either tell me what's going on or leave the poor girl alone."  
  
"I won't say anything, then." That obviously wasn't the response Tokaki was looking for, and he made a face. I sighed, unable to overcome my anxiety about Suzuno, but tried to look on the bright side. "She does have a right to be happy... I wonder what Tatara's reaction is going to be?"  
  
Tokaki narrowed his eyes. "I'm having no part in this reunion."  
  
"Are you still hanging on that? Look at all she's been through! If it wasn't for Tatara, she probably would have already given up. Isn't she allowed to have any happiness in her life?"  
  
"Of course she does. But maybe she should get a hobby or something instead... I could teach her to fight! Then she'd be even a better Miko."  
  
"Right, and she'll beat you up because you won't let her see Tatara!" I rolled my eyes. "Just leave them alone, for god's sake. It's none of our business."  
  
"Of course it's our business! She's Byakko no Miko! She's here to save our country, not do whatever with one of her Seishi--"  
  
"And her Seishi are allowed to 'do whatever' with each other?" I shot back.  
  
He stared at me for a long moment, and I almost - not entirely, but almost - regretted saying it. "...That's different."  
  
"It's not different! They're in love," I murmured, staring ahead at Suzuno, who had stopped at the top of a ridge and was looking at something in the distance. "And if that's different than us... I've misunderstood your intentions," I finished softly. I knew deep down that that wasn't what he had meant, but I was aggravated by everything right then that I didn't have the patience to try and be easygoing.  
  
"Subaru, that's not what I said--"  
  
"Don't bother," I said shortly to end the conversation, as we had caught up with Suzuno. I rode up next to her, and saw what she was looking at - the capital was in the valley in front of use, maybe an hour's ride away.  
  
Suzuno looked to me with a small, fledgling smile, her previous energy seemingly burned off. "I shouldn't feel so nervous," she said in a quiet voice, and I could see that she was gripping her horse's reins so tightly that her fingers were white. "...Do you think he'll be happy to see me?"  
  
"Of course, silly," I replied with a smile of my own; her unpretentious puppy love was almost infectious. "Do you have any idea how crushed he was when you disappeared?"  
  
"I guess," Suzuno said, looking back at the distant city. She opened her mouth to say something else, but Tokaki interrupted.  
  
"If you two are finished, I'd like to get back to the city sometime this century."  
  
Suzuno laughed, sounding a little embarrassed, then clucked at her horse to continue on. Before starting after her, I glanced quickly at Tokaki, and was surprised by the dark look on his face. When he looked back at me, I quickly averted my eyes and hurriedly caught up with Suzuno.  
  
It was just a silly little argument, I told myself. Everyone has them, and it's no reason to be so upset. It would be smoothed over by evening, and everything would be fine again. Still, I couldn't seem to convince myself that the speed with which we went from lovers to enemies was perfectly normal, and, despite Suzuno's bubbly chatter, I couldn't shake off my feelings of discontent, and couldn't wait to be back in the palace and have everything be alright again.  
  
***  
  
Tatara looked as if he were suffering from heart trouble when he and Suzuno were reunited. Neither of them said anything, and when Suzuno's smile finally faltered and she burst into tears and ran into Tatara's arms, I decided that it would be better to leave them alone. Tokaki had already disappeared, but judging from his opinion of the Miko's relationship and the fact that he seemed to be angry with me, it really wasn't a surprise to see that he had taken off.  
  
I reluctantly returned to my room to settle back in. It was already late afternoon, and upon hearing of our return, a maid had brought tray of food to my room. I picked at it for a few minutes before pushing it away and falling down on my bed with a heavy sigh.  
  
I considered searching for Tokaki, but decided not to; after all, I had no idea where he was nor what I should even say. Was there even a point in saying anything? Was our relationship worth saving if we were both so set in our opinions that we had to get into a full-blown argument every time we disagreed? If so, the future didn't look so bright. I felt stupid; was it my fault, had I over-reacted too much? But it seemed as though I always did - how many times could I remember yelling at him in the past? Of course he would get angry and want to get away from me. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.  
  
...Or maybe it was. I rolled over on my side and hugged a pillow to my chest. We'd spent the last few days together all the time, with hardly any breaks. No matter how much you love someone, you need time to yourself. Maybe our disagreement was only a weird, subconscious way to gain some time for ourselves.  
  
...Or maybe I was just grasping for any false hope. I hated being depressed, I couldn't stand it. I'd already had enough heartache and sadness to last me several lifetimes. I didn't want to be depressed anymore, so I was just trying to look at the world through rose-coloured glasses and ignore the gloominess of reality. Or maybe...  
  
I pushed the pillow away and sat up, looking at my reflection in the mirror across the room. "You think too much!" I told myself, frowning disapprovingly. After a moment of glaring at myself, I flopped back on my bed and stared upwards, trying to banish all worrisome thought from my mind by counting the tiny dots on the ceiling, until they all blurred together and I was forced to close my tired eyes.  
  
***  
  
I woke up feeling groggy and disorientated. The room was dark, and a full moon shone outside my window. It took me a moment to remember where I was; I seemed to be hanging onto fragments of a dream where I was back at home. I suddenly felt lonely, knowing that Lina wasn't in the next room. The palace was completely silent, and when I rose and looked out my window at the gardens, there was no sign of life. No wonder, I thought to myself, it's the middle of the night.  
  
Why had I woken up, then? The answer occurred to me almost simultaneously with the question, as I turned around and looked at my bed, which suddenly seemed cold and uncomfortable. You're in love, I told myself, and you miss him.  
  
I almost lay back down to go back to sleep, but decided against it and instead left my room and headed down the hall towards Tokaki's room. The palace seemed eerily quiet now, and I let my paranoia get the best of me when I thought I heard a sound behind me and ended up running round the last corner to his door, which I slid open without a second thought.  
  
"Do you always barge into people's rooms in the middle of the night?" Tokaki was sitting up in bed, looking none too happy to be woken up, by me no less.  
  
"No, but you're special," I replied with a bit of a smile, my hand still on the door. He stared at me for a minute longer, then shook his head and muttered something that sounded like a curse and lay back down.  
  
I slid the door closed quietly, then crossed the room and got into bed next to him, slipping under the covers and cuddling up close to him, resting my head on his chest. He didn't push me away, which I took for a good sign, and neither of us said anything for a few long moments.  
  
"I'm supposed to be mad at you," he finally said, breaking the silence.  
  
"I'm not stopping you."  
  
"You have any idea how hard it is to be mad at you if you're like this?"  
  
"That's the idea," I said, my smile evident in my voice.  
  
He sighed dejectedly, then shifted slightly as to put his arms around me, and I closed my eyes and happily buried my face in his shirt. "I love you too much not to agree to disagree," I murmured after a few moments of silence.  
  
"I know. Damn, do you have any idea how hard it is to stay away from you? I had to tell myself that I was angry at you every five minutes so I wouldn't go running back to you."  
  
"I wouldn't have minded," I said, feeling so utterly in love and perfect that I couldn't even imagine what would have made me want to fight in the first place. My last thoughts as I drifted off to sleep was that I could have stayed there forever, if I had the chance.  
  
***  
  
Morning did come, but fortunately, it didn't change anything. I felt just as happy each morning that I did the night before, and sometimes found myself wondering when something was going to go horribly wrong and cause all this happiness to come crashing down around my ears. I managed to quiet the pessimistic side of me, however, if only for a few weeks.  
  
Amefuri's and Kokie's journey to fetch the Seiryuu Shinzaho would take much longer than ours. The trip to the capital of Kutou would take a week and a half alone, and then, of course, they had to travel all the way back to Sairou. This was assuming that they had no troubles that would delay them along the way. Suzuno suggested that if we remaining Seishi travelled with no stops, we might be able to catch up with them, but her plan was quickly shot down by the Emperor's military advisors, who said that we would only endanger their mission. Too large a group might attract suspicion, not to mention the danger that we would have to pass through in order to catch up.  
  
Suzuno mentioned nothing more about her decision on whether or not to actually go through with the summoning. I wasn't sure whether or not she had told Tatara, but from the way they acted together, it appeared that he didn't know. Suzuno seemed so happy and carefree, and I could understand why she wouldn't want to dwell on such unhappy thoughts. I didn't ask her about it, figuring that we would deal with the problem when we came to it. I was happy not to have anything to worry about, either.  
  
With at least three weeks to go before we even had to think about any Miko or Seishi business, life seemed to settle into a comfortable pattern that sometimes had me wondering if I had just dreamed everything about being a Seishi. That only made me feel guilty, however, because somewhere out there Amefuri and Kokie were working hard and could be in danger while we remained at the palace, living a leisurely and worry-free life.  
  
Tokaki and I managed to get along perfectly fine without any remarkable arguments, and were able to actually make progress as a normal couple. My earlier thoughts that we'd need to spend a lot of time apart proved to be untrue, as we were practically always together, not unlike Suzuno and Tatara had grown to be. However, unlike them, Tokaki and I spent a large percentage of our time together in bed, or a number of other convenient locations. I didn't mind at all, though; to me, our relationship was built upon a solid enough foundation that I never found myself worrying that it was only about the physical aspect. I felt as if the physical side to our relationship was just a bonus; that it was amazing that I could love a man so much and that he could make me feel so good in return.  
  
None of that came without its consquences, however.  
  
A few days before Amefuri and Kokie were scheduled to return, Suzuno came to me asking if I could remember the recipe for a tea Amefuri had once made. Nothing came to mind, so I apologized and asked her why she needed it. Suzuno sheepishly admitted that she was suffering from "women's problems" and the tea had helped to relieve her symptoms.  
  
The realization hit me like a kick to the teeth. I stared at the floor in such a state of disbelief for a few moments that Suzuno ended up having to shake my arm to get my attention. She asked if I was alright, and I mumbled something about being perfectly fine before abruptly excusing myself and leaving her standing there staring after me.  
  
I left the palace and headed into the city, not really in any specific direction, more just walking for the sake of walking. I had no idea what to do. Should I laugh or cry? Tell everyone or no one? Was I even certain? The last question wasn't even a question. Somehow, I knew.  
  
Walking around crowded streets while in a dazed state isn't generally a good idea, and I was jerked out of my trance when something very solid ran into my legs. I managed to stay on my feet, but the object that hit me didn't, and I looked down to see a small girl of about four or five looking up at me. She stared for a minute and then burst into tears. Surprised, I knelt down beside her and put a hand on her arm. "Are you hurt? What's wrong?"  
  
"N-no, I'm ok-kay," she sobbed, "B-but my br-brother, he fell and h-he hurt hims-self and now he's g-gonna DIE!" She started wailing, almost hysterical.  
  
"It's okay, calm down!" I gave her a quick hug and her sobs quieted a bit. "Where is he? If you take me to him, maybe I can help him!"  
  
Her eyes widened, as big as saucers, and she stared at me in awe for another moment before jumping to her feet and grabbing my hand. She took off running, me stumbling behind her, until we were out of the more crowded areas and into what looked like a poor residential area of the city. She pulled me into an alleyway where a boy about twelve sat propped up against a wall, grimacing and clutching his thigh.  
  
"Big brother!" The little girl cried, letting go of my hand and running to the boy's side. "You're not dead yet! I thought you would be like Mei and--"  
  
"Ayumi, what are you doing?! I told you to get the doctor," he told her in a scolding tone, after barely glancing at me.  
  
Ayumi's lower lip quivered and new tears pooled in her eyes. "B-but the doctor was so far away and, and she said she could help you!" She looked at me, her eyes gleaming with hope. "Right?"  
  
"That's right," I agreed, kneeling down next to the boy, who looked wary and as if he wanted to jump up and run away. "Don't worry, this won't hurt." I laid my hand gently on his leg and murmured the familiar words of the spell.   
  
It was over in an instant, and I glanced up at the boy's face to see his reaction, only to find him staring wide-eyed at my chest. As an automatic reflex from spending too much time around Tokaki, I reached out and slapped him across the cheek. He blinked, then pointed at my chest. "I-I'm sorry, it's just you're-"  
  
"You're glowy!" Ayumi piped up, her eyes wide again.  
  
I glanced down to see the symbol on my chest slowly fading away. Feeling stupid, I mumbled an apology for hitting the boy, but he didn't look at all offended. "That's okay - not everyone can say they've been hit by a Byakko Shichiseishi!"  
  
"I guess not," I said with an embarrassed laugh. "...Is your leg okay?"  
  
"Yeah, it's fine!" He replied enthusiastically, getting to his feet and taking a few steps. "Awesome!"  
  
Ayumi stared in wonder at her brother's healed leg, then glanced at me. She tugged at her brother's shirt and asked in a loud whisper, "Do you think she could help Mei, too?"  
  
"I could try. Where is she?" I asked, getting to my feet.  
  
"She's at home," the boy replied haltingly. "I mean, our home village. Me and Ayumi came to the city to live with our uncle because our Gramma can't look after all of us. Our parents are dead," he explained, and I saw Ayumi's lip quiver again. "And Mei's sick. When our parents died, she just..."  
  
"It's like she's asleep but she won't wake up," Ayumi piped up, looking distraught.  
  
"Gramma says her soul is gone. It's like Mei is still alive, but she's not. Gramma tried everything. She got some healers from other villages to try to help, but no one could do anything." He shook his head. "I don't know if anyone can help her. But-"  
  
"Hideki! Ayumi! What are you doing out there?" A woman was standing in the entryway of the alleyway, her hands on her hips. "I told you to come in ages ago! Get in the house right now!"  
  
Hideki frowned. "That's our aunt," he whispered. "We don't like her very much..." I had to smile at this revelation. "Anyway, thanks a lot for helping me!" He grinned, then took Ayumi's hand and headed out of the alley. Ayumi smiled and waved at me, and I waved back. She certainly was an adorable child, I thought. Maybe I wasn't so bad off...  
  
"New friends?" A voice behind me asked, and after I had recovered from a near-heart attack, I turned around to see Tokaki standing behind me. My heart didn't calm down much, now pounding nervously. I averted my eyes, looking back at the entrance of the alley as if looking after the children.  
  
"He broke his leg. I healed him."  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked as if he hadn't heard me, taking my hand. "Suzuno said you were upset about something."  
  
"I'm fine," I replied quickly, trying to look confused. "I'm sure she's just over-reacting. She worries too much."  
  
"I thought that was you who's the worrier. Are you sure everything's okay?"  
  
"Yes." Lying was never my forte. Even when I was little, I couldn't get away with anything because my family would always be able to tell if I wasn't telling the truth. Searching for another way out, I changed the subject. "Let's go back to the palace, it's almost dinnertime."  
  
Tokaki didn't say anything, although he still looked like he didn't believe me. We walked in silence all the way back to the palace. When we were almost to the kitchen, I finally broke down and burst into tears, unable to keep up the facade any longer.  
  
"Oh god, I'm not okay... I mean, I am, but I don't know what to do and--"  
  
"For god's sake Subaru, just tell me what's wrong!" Tokaki looked almost terrified, which made me only cry harder. I tried to catch my breath and calm myself down, and after a few moments my sobs had quieted enough that I could speak.  
  
"...I'm pregnant." 


End file.
